Samsung Bomb 7

Sarvesh Mayilvahanan, Sports Editor

Samsung’s Note 7 comes with a new survival feature, one that will put it head and shoulders above the iPhone. It now has the ability to start a fire on command, a feature which users simply open the phone and enter a passcode to activate. This starts a one minute timer that counts down until the phone explodes. As a result of the new feature, the Note 7 has been listed on the FDS’s (Federal Department of Survivability) essentials for surviving in the wilderness. It was also featured on the latest episode of “Man vs. Wild,” a show about renowned adventurer Bear Grylls. Grylls used the phone to start a campfire on top of a Hawaiian volcano where he was unable to find any suitable kindling and lacked a match. The Note 7 is also highly recommended for disaster survival, in case of an earthquake, tornado, or other natural disaster due to its quick and easy ability to produce fire.

However, critics are skeptical of the Note 7’s use, and argue that it can be used for crime as well. There have already been reports that an arsonist used the feature to start a fire that burned down the Samsung headquarters. In response to the attack, Samsung CEO Ecspel Ode stated, “This was completely intentional and we are pleased that our feature is working how it was meant to. However, we did not anticipate that it would destroy the Samsung headquarters. In the future, we hope to build a building that is resistant to this kind of destruction.”

Critics are calling for a total recall of the Note 7, and as a result, Samsung has started to do so. If they choose to return the phone, Samsung will provide them with a complete return kit, complete with a fire extinguisher, bomb defuse kit, protective packaging, and a next-level protection system complete with a hazmat suit and a radioactive protection box to store all contents.

Although many are bashing Samsung for this new added feature, its applicability is the future of survival technology and may save the human race in the future. And at least it still has a headphone jack.