What would you do to break the news?

By Aaron Whitaker

10. Push a reindeer off the roof to prove that it cannot fly.

9. Make a video showcasing a sordid side of Santa.  What kid will want to believe in Santa after seeing him in a thong dancing to “Santa Baby”?

8. Dress up as the Grinch and crash a holiday parade. It’s a great way to tell all the kids there about Santa’s nonexistence and your costume can be used as a disguise against police.

7. Let Aunt Bertha tell them.  It makes her look like the bad guy.

6. Kiss up to your kids. Get them high on sugar cookies. Tell them and they will not care.

5. Leave the Wal-Mart price tag on the “gifts from Santa.”  Kids will not only notice that you bought the gifts, but also that you shop at gasp…Wal-Mart.

4. Make up a story.  “Once upon a time, there was a man in a red suit who was really just a corpulent guy at the mall…”

3. Send them a text. Dear Nick, S2S Santa 2G2BT. SBT.

2. Sing a song. Or better yet, have our choir do it. “No Virginia, there’s not a Santa Claus, it’s true that he is fake.”

1. At the mall, strip Santa of his outfit.  You might get banned from the mall, but the next time your mom asks you to go shopping for her, you will have an excuse not to.