Dippy Fresh: a freshman we managed to capture and interview


Dippy Fresh felt more akin to her favorite roller backpack. (Amazon)

“After I left Horner, I thought Irvington was going to be intimidating. I mean, a hallway that goes two ways? It was enlightening. I am disappointed that my high school life is more Change Project than High School Musical, but—and I don’t mean to brag—some romance has come my way. Three juniors have already caught my eye: one is in track, one is in DECA, and the last one always wears Vans and thinks he can skateboard. I don’t want to tell him that wearing checkered Vans and a beanie doesn’t equate skateboard prowess, but it’s not like I’ve talked to any of them to start with.”

“My least favorite part of Irvington is the rampant discrimination against roller backpacks. People here aren’t caught up with pop culture trends, because everyone here has a North Face or Fjällräven backpack instead of the clearly superior roller backpack. I have received complaints that my bag “trips” people and is a “hazard”. You’re right Irvington—my bag is super trippy. Another form of discrimination that I have faced is the fact that I can’t take AP classes. I managed to get my mom to lobby admin, but I’m still not in Advanced Placement, even though I take four outside classes on Calculus, AP Chemistry, AP Biology, and Computer Science. After this interview, I plan on marching to the vice principal’s office and bugging them some more.”

“There are some better things about Irvington, though. Of all the critters at Irvington, my favorite are the seagulls. I feel a spiritual connection to them: we are both short, squawky, and food-aggressive. Speaking of food, my diet consists of mostly 7-11 and Bronco’s food now. I think that the ramen, taquitos, Takis, and pizza that I’ve consumed have so much grease and MSG that it’s stunting my growth. I’m sure this is a misunderstanding: my short height was just part of a machine malfunction at the Horner incubation chambers.”

“The best thing that happened to me this year was that one of my TikTok got a whopping three views. It was such a process. I had to rally all my VSCO friends to a table near the library. We assembled into a pyramid and proceeded to do a TikTok dance that was definitely original and definitely not a dance that millions of other people have done before. Our collective noise was loud enough to scare away all the birds and skateboard-wannabes. Of the three views we got, each of my fifteen friends received ⅕ of a view. That’s absolutely amazing and it’s going to kickstart my road to stardom. I’m already writing my college application on how I cope with being famous and with everyone gossiping about me.”