Irvington Administration to Install Microphones into Bathroom Stalls


Teachers are testing new bathroom stall microphones.

Pill Weng, Staff Writer

In last week’s press conference on March 13, the Irvington school administration announced that they would be installing microphones into bathroom stalls for security purposes.

The head of the administration said that they will continue their surveillance reinstallment program that they had started last year with the new digital clocks.

“We want students to be safe in the event of a lockdown, fire, or other natural disasters,” said principal Aumbalnda Mneallzbbie during the meeting. “We want to know exactly where they are at any time and know that they are okay.”

The administration refrained from disclosing where exactly in the bathrooms the microphones would be installed, but speculation from secondary sources has suggested that they will be installed underneath toilets’ seats.

When asked for the inspiration for this new project, Mneallzbbie stated that they were simply continuing what they had been doing before.

“Our first step was with the microphones in the digital clocks,” said Mneallzbbie. “Since then we’ve made more progress by implementing teacher body cams, mandatory ankle monitors, and new prison guards to ensure that students exit the classroom with a hall pass.”

During the press conference, the administration also stated that microphones would come with other benefits too. In other schools where this has been done, teachers have been able to conduct several drug busts, confiscating vapes, weed, and other substances.

Mr. Snich, a teacher from another school who has done the same thing, is a teacher who has benefited from his school’s microphones.

“Before our school decided to install the microphones, I could never send kids to juvenile detention centers because I could never get any evidence, but I always suspected that my students were doing drugs in the bathrooms,” said Mr. Snich. “After they were installed, I’ve been able to catch numerous students red-handed that should’ve been suspended a long time ago.”

To conclude the conference, the administration announced plans to bring in guard dogs and place barbed wire along the fence surrounding the school.