The Irvington Voice

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Irvington Administration to Install Microphones into Bathroom Stalls

Teachers are testing new bathroom stall microphones.

Pill Weng, Staff Writer

April 1, 2020

In last week’s press conference on March 13, the Irvington school administration announced that they would be installing microphones into bathroom stalls for security purposes. The head of the administration said that they will continue their surveillance reinstallment program that they had star...

PRESIDENT BLUMBERG BUYS MARS: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR HUMANITY?

PRESIDENT BLUMBERG BUYS MARS: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR HUMANITY?

Pingu Lamb, YouTube Commentator

April 1, 2020

President Mike Blumberg, former shareholder of the moon and CEO of Apple Inc., recently bought Mars on April 69th in addition to his growing collection of extraterrestrial planets. His recent purchase of Mars has been met with controversy due to the famous painter, Ellen Musk, having called dibs on o...

California Enters Drought Due to Excessive Handwashing

The dankest and only handwashing tutorial you will ever need to
prepare for those handwashing tournaments.

@pregosauce, Spotify Account Manager

April 1, 2020

On March 22, the Governor of California, Marvin Oldsom, declared a state of emergency. Surprisingly, the emergency was not due to the recent virus but because California had fallen back into a drought. This drought is expected to be one of the worst ones ever. “This drought came out of the blue. We d...

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