The Irvington Voice

Op-Onions

Attention! We have a solution to the toilet paper epidemic!

Attention! We have a solution to the toilet paper epidemic!

Andrew Fu, Editor-In-Chief

April 1, 2020

It is unavoidable that sooner or later, the world will run out of toilet paper, and eventually, tissue paper, cardboard, sandpaper, and whatever else you wipe your bottom with. When that day comes, you’ll have The Voice to thank, because all of the unread papers strewn across classrooms will finally...

Education is CANCELLED

Education is CANCELLED

Rocket Man, Person With Glasses

April 1, 2020

Now that we’ve all had a chance to sit at home and do absolutely nothing, I think it’s time that we, as a society, have a very important conversation: whether education is a necessary thing or not. Never mind that education is what allows us to be a functioning society; humanity peaked when it was runn...

Stop washing your hands. Like, right now.

Stop washing your hands. Like, right now.

Dr. Mahjong, Staff Writer

April 1, 2020

EVERYONE NEEDS TO STOP WASHING THEIR HANDS RIGHT NOW; it’s not good for you, it definitely doesn’t prevent any disease, and it contributes to two of the deadliest plagues to humanity: dry hands, and Jojo Siwa. In these stressful times, it’s easy to apply copious amounts of hand sanitizer to yo...

Op-Onions