How to Pay for College

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How to Pay for College

University of New Hampshire

University of New Hampshire

University of New Hampshire

Annika Yong, Web and Photos Editor

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When your parents give you that “back in the day I paid for college all by myself. Your generation has it so easy to have everything given to you. I guess my generation worked harder than you entitled-bad-work-ethic-self-derelict-phone-addicted-depression-inflicted- snowflakes,” talk. Fear. no. more. The Voice has ever so conveniently compiled a list of things you can do to earn money to pay off that 280-thousand dollar tuition colleges actually think you can afford.

Underpaid jobs at a…

Boba shop: What’s better than rude customers who demand you to treat them like gods when all they do is pay five dollars in total? You can also spend the majority of your remaining brainpower to memorize different recipes whilst juggling orders all specially requested for different sugar and ice ratios. Just remember to reserve around 5GB in your brain by deleting some of your APUSH stuff to make space. But hey, at least you’ll get your boba fix before you leave for the boba-barren East Coast.

Fast Food shop: Everyone knows that Inenout pays the most. But you’ll need to sell your soul to the fast food monopolies, flipping burgers and wincing every time your aunt says “if you don’t work hard you will end up flipping burgers.”

 

Sell:

College Merchandise: If you are moving out for college, the odds are your parents are kicking you out of your room to make space for the family poodle. Since you will have to carry out your spring-cleaning of the decade anyways, throw away stuff merchandise from colleges you got rejected from. Throw away those sad, sad reminders of all your broken dreams, and, instead, receive money to prepare for reality: debt. Freshmen with most definitely be fighting for them, and three years later, the cycle of disillusionment goes on.

Middle school clothes: Whether it be random rage comic-esque meme clothes or YouTuber merchandise you begged your parents to buy, these clothes (hopefully) no longer are a good representation of your identity. You could also get rid of those Fanny packs and oversized trackp ants that made you so uncool during your self-discovery days… wait, apparently those are trendy now. Nevermind.

AP books: Let’s just hope people ignore the doodles and self-deprecating comments next to your mistakes. Sell them soon because College Board will probably “update” the AP Exams if you wait too long!

Stats and college essays: Profit from lower classmen’s thirst for Top 20 schools. Sell your very motivating and moving essays about how you made a club for underprivileged kids and changed their lives, when, in reality, you really just organized one meeting about brainstorming what to brainstorm the next non-existent meeting.

Work study programs:

To pay off colleges before you graduate, you used to need to work 6 hours per day. Now you need something like 72 hours per day. This is when the infinity time stone becomes handy. When debt becomes inevitable just pull a very cool “I am broke” and snap your fingers because you just want to snap yourself from existence.