Top Ten Ways To Cut Education Costs

Here at The Voice, we are firm believers that in these difficult economic times, everyone should be making an effort to stretch that last penny – and that includes Irvington High School. Too frequently is taxpayer money flaunted about on such trivial things as education. Thus, after much deliberation – and expert advise from our legal advisors – our staff has developed a list of improvements that will surely make Irvington a more thrifty school.

10. Switch back to manual flushing in the bathrooms

9. Make PE students generate energy for school on treadmill (think hamster in a wheel)

8. Employ 5-second rule in cafeteria

7. Mooch off of Taco Bell hot sauce instead of buying our own.

6. Pawn the contents of Lost & Found at Thrift Town

5. If Lost & Found is empty, confiscate student belongings and then pawn at Thrift Town. Students can retrieve all items…for a small fee, of course.

4. Have students pay to take a test (Hey, it works fine for Collegeboard!)

3. Slave Labor….OOPS….I meant Service Hours…

2. Do what we do…ADVERTISE! Ads for sugary drinks and fast food on every locker!

1. Put The Voice in charge of creating next year’s budget