The Irvington Voice

Humor

How to Secure your Grade

The no fail guide to convince your teacher to round your grade up, in pyramid form. Won’t work in squares. How to use: the strategy at the bottom is the most important, so start there with gifting your teacher an iceberg. Once your teacher has that need fulfilled, then the next effective method for convincing them is right above it. If the iceberg isn’t enough, work your way up, and your teacher will definitely round up your grade by the time you reach the top.

Serena Yeh, Staff Writer

February 3, 2020

We’ve all been there. You’re at the cusp of the next letter grade, and it seems hopeless- until now. That’s right, I’ve got you a no-fail list of top ways to convince your teachers to round anything from a 58.4 to an 89.9! This is a real application of science, folks- based on the work of Dr...

Tales of Cookie Tasting: Ranking Trader Joe’s Cookies

Alice Shu, Humor Editor

February 3, 2020

The professionals at IHS Voice were very bored and hungry one day. With Mariah Carey playing in the back of their minds they decided to eat some gimmicky cookies and turn it into an even more gimmicky article. Without sounding too Buzzfeed-y, here is the definitive ranking of the best holiday cookies ...

WWIII SURVIVAL GUIDE!1!1!!

Isabella Lam, Staff Writer

February 2, 2020

With talks of World War 3 being evermore prevalent and Pulitzer winning news sites like Tik Tok and Twitter reporting even more hostility between the Cheeto Man and Iran, it becomes clear that Gen Z must fend for itself to survive. Therefore, writers at the Voice have created a survival guide in ord...

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