Love Letter

Dear University,

This isn’t the first letter I’ve written to you and it probably won’t be the last. Besides all the emails I’ve sent as excuses for you to notice me, I’ve applied to you as well. I know that you and I are meant to be together. I’ve told everyone that we were going to be together since I found out you existed in the 4th grade. It’s the classic love story: the poor student who wants to get into the prestigious (and generous with financial aid) university. The odds are stacked against them, but they get in and become financially-stable in the future, own three vacation homes, and invest in dozens of timeshares (I don’t know what those are, but I will when I’m filthy rich). That could be us. I know its a little early to be thinking about the future, but it’s a future I want with you. I’ve been waiting outside your gates for so long, just let me in.

I know it seems like the world is against us, but it’s really just thousands of other seniors who don’t want us to be together. They’re not right for you. They don’t love you like I do. I’ve been through so must for you. From paying hundreds to the non-profit (but pretty profitable) College Board for dozens of tests to starting fifteen non-profit incubator startup initiative A.S.G. (Assembled Snake Group) presidential campaigns, I’ve done it all just to show my love for you. You’ve made me a better person — I’m a member of a handful of sports teams and hold leadership positions in numerous clubs, all for you. So can’t you just give me a chance, if I doesn’t work out in four years then we can go our separate ways.

From,

Pete T. Esdee

Rejection Letter

Dear University,

It’s been two months since you rejected me and I just want to tell you that I’ve moved on now. I’m fine. I realized that you weren’t good for me. If I am going to be completely honest, I’d say you weren’t good enough for me. It was such a toxic relationship anyway, all one-sided. I loved you more than you ever did me. People say youth is a time to make mistakes, I guess they were talking about you. I was young and foolish. I should have realized my mistake after liking all your posts and imagining our future together for hours, and all you did was email me once or twice. They weren’t even that personal. You told me that you wanted me, but how can I feel special when I find out that’s what you tell everyone. It was always about you: how great at sports you were, how smart you were, how beautiful your home was, and how charitable you are. It was never about us.

We could have a great time together but I get it, you want the geniuses with “academic excellence.” I wasn’t “good enough” for you. And if you think I haven’t moved on, you’re wrong.

I’ve already found another university. Guess what? They value me all the ways you didn’t. Even our mutual friend FAFSA is helping us get together. I’m planning on moving once the term starts. Guess what? They have nicer dorms anyway.