I Want To Eat Your Lungs

Trump's hotels now also serve mouth-watering “gourmet human lung bowls” in addition to their usual delicacies like Diet Coke.

Prahalad Chari

Trump’s hotels now also serve mouth-watering “gourmet human lung bowls” in addition to their usual delicacies like Diet Coke.

Covid-19 has had a devastating impact on the American people. Now more than ever, we need to rally together behind science and find a way to stop the disease. While initial medical trials for a vaccine have ended in unknown diseases, there is still hope. Many nations have actually been able to fight off the virus using innovative methods.

In order to find good medical solutions, one must first turn to the most medicinally advanced nation in the world: Japan. The Japanese believe that if you have a disease, it can be cured by eating said organ from an animal. Consuming animal pancreas, for example would help cure or reduce the effects of diabetes. Considering that Japan was extremely advanced for most of its history, it is logical to assume that this idea was ahead of its time as well. What most people fail to realize is that this concept isn’t too far removed from modern science. It is well-established that one of the best ways to build muscle is to consume meat, which is nothing but animal muscle. According to Medical News today, consuming heart meat can directly improve one’s cardiovascular condition as it has a cardioprotective effect. Clearly, the Japanese were spot on with their medical beliefs. Delving deep into the science, the body breaks down whatever food you eat into its fundamental particles and sends it to parts of the body that need it. The fundamental particle of any organ is its cells. Therefore, if your lungs are failing, all you need to do is consume lung meat. The cells then travel through the bloodstream and reach the lungs where they can aid in the growth of new tissue and help fight against the lung decay caused by COVID-19.

As President Trump had indicated in his numerous media appearances, consuming treatment methods seems to be the most effective way to treat the disease, beginning with him suggesting that ingesting hydroxychloroquine is effective in treating COVID-19. While the media continues to bash him, it is important to first examine legitimate studies. Even if hydroxychloroquine may lead to adverse side effects, it is important to remember that this was just an initial solution. The liberal media also attacked the idea of swallowing a UV light, but what they fail to realize is that UV light can actually kill most viruses. Our president has always been on the right track and is now backed by indisputable evidence that has helped a nation that has definitely skillfully addressed pandemic and flattened its curve. Therefore it is almost impossible to dispute the fact that eating lungs can help in the fight against COVID.

The question then, is how one attains said lungs. The meatpacking industry is currently severely crippled. The COVID regulations enforced by some states have disrupted their supply lines, brought manufacturing to a standstill, and left many tonnes of meat rotting. Looking overseas for imported lungs is also not viable due to the fact that contamination is likely during transit. Additionally, with all the lockdowns near ports of entries, they would take far too long to bring the meat to the people who need them. Therefore, the best option would be to use a supply chain that already exists and is robust: the organ donation system. Advertisements for organ donation are everywhere, from the DMV to the local WalMart. Thus the supply is not an issue. One can also just harvest lungs from anyone with a terminal illness that doesn’t impact their lungs. This way, we can humanely source lung meat. Human lungs have a higher efficacy in curing COVID-19 because when consumed, the lungs break down into cells, and since the cells are already human, the body does not have to expend extra energy that it would normally use when converting animal cells to human cells. Because the body expends less energy in digestion, it can direct more of that energy to combating the virus in the lungs.

 Due to the pre-existing supply chain, humane sourcing, and increased medical benefits, it is clear that human lung consumption is the best way to fight the virus. This knowledge combined with strong governmental lung-eating mandates will be able to not only flatten the curve, but eradicate COVID-19 as we know it.