Types of People You’re Guaranteed to Meet at Thanksgiving Parties

With Thanksgiving not only comes the good food, a season of appreciation, and a week long school break, but also people to your annual Thanksgiving party. You can generally gauge everyone’s vibe in your family, and categorize them into groups. Even though we don’t expect you to gather (please please don’t), we’re going to take a look at the types of people you will meet at the party.

Let’s start off with the scavenger. You can catch the scavenger arriving right before the food is served. You can immediately spot them because of the big purse or bag that they bring, stuffed with empty Tupperware. The scavengers are bold and have absolutely no shame in scooping up almost all the leftovers after the party. They won’t bring any food of their own, and also generally pack the most food on their own plate.

Next up, the workout freak. This person is constantly reminding you about the number of carbs in every dish  on your plate. This calorie counter is probably single, vegan, and already calculating how much food they can eat that night without exceeding their macros. The workout freak is prepared though, as they always bring their own meal. As they eat their homemade quinoa and fake meat (which they claim tastes exactly the same as normal meat), and they can’t help but rush out of the party early in order to get in the Black Friday line at Lululemon. 

We all know the football fan who camps the couch, refusing to move unless it’s to get food. They always have the TV on max volume, and when you ask for them to lower it, they’ll always turn it back up once you’re gone. The TV’s volume is loud, but the football fan’s volume is louder when the team they are rooting for scores a touchdown. Don’t even dare try to support the other team unless you’re looking to square up with the football fan.

We love him, but we mostly hate him, up next is the annoying little cousin! He’s got the drip with his Spiderman t-shirt and the Old Navy shorts, and he’s flexing his Ninjago toys. The little cousin is running around, screaming, and somehow is always in the room you are in. No matter how many times you politely ask him to be quieter, he’ll try to fight you (both physically and verbally) or cry. His mother isn’t much better, oblivious to the ruckus he’s making because she believes “that’s how kids are supposed to behave.”

Lights, camera, action! You just got flashbanged watching the entitled couple walk in by looking at all their shiny clothing, rolex, and flashy jewelry. The entitled couple tends to pull up much later than everyone else. The wife always blames the husband for taking too long to get ready, while the husband claims there was “traffic” on inside roads. No matter how late they arrive, they are also the first people out the door. 

At last, the grandma! The only reason why you haven’t lost your sanity at these parties, since she tends to mitigate all the ruckus. She is the nicest and most respectful, but you never understand why she always thinks you have grown. Sadly, she falls asleep halfway through the party, conveniently right after dinner. 

Oh, here comes the cook! They spent the whole day cooking and preparing nonstop, while also always stressed about the turkey defrosting in time. The week before, you already know they watched 300 Youtube videos on how to prepare the meal. The cook believes turkey is “the king of meats,” and even though you know it’s not, you shut up and listen to everything they ramble about because their food is usually godly.

Some of you may fall in this category—the college grinders. These students NEED the party planned on their Google Calendar at least two weeks in advance, and they’ll still cancel on you at the last minute by text. If they do end up arriving at the party, they come stacked with work and will constantly be on Zoom calls even though it’s Thanksgiving. If their family is hosting the party, they will constantly use the excuse: “I’m too busy to help.” They’ll take a page out of the scavenger’s book,  sneaking away food back to their desk to finish homework for their 18th AP class.

With the coronavirus, you will also have the “No Regard for Safety” people. This type of people will meet up with their friends, not wear a mask, not socially distance, and will always post on their Instagram to make sure everyone knows that they have friends. They will feel hurt when no one swipes up on their story, or when no one comments on their “Friendsgiving” post. Don’t be like them. Stay home.