For the 2020-2021 school year, Irvington High School adopted a fully online learning system, and no student has actually been to school in person. The school claims that this is for the safety of students, but a recent increase in the amount of digital clocks on campus indicates otherwise. 

Digital clocks aren’t unheard of at Irvington High School. Since the 2019 California power outages, digital clocks had already been installed everywhere. In fact, they still can be found in every corner of the school: in the hallways, in the classrooms, under the desks, and even in the bathroom sink. FUSD Superintendent Karen explained the amazing usefulness of these digital clocks. 

“There’s been so many power outages recently you know?” said Karen. “When there’s an outage it’s all dark, and that’s when I had the brilliant idea! Digital clocks. Now you can tell the time in the dark! They look really aesthetic too.”

Though power outages are no longer a frequent occurrence, Irvington High School has recently started installing digital clocks again, now that no students are actually on campus at any time. A student named Jared speculated the reason behind the clock installations.

“Hi, I’m Jared. I can’t spell so you can just spell my name as whatever.” said Whatever, while making a Tik Tok during our Zoom interview. “Anyways, those stupid expensive clocks they bought, are supposed to hypnotize people. That’s why you used to see all those people sleeping during the block period. The clocks play this elevator music that puts students to sleep.”

Additionally, the school has started removing its century old fire alarms. Jared then recounted how he once triggered the fire alarm to break the hypnotizing effect the clocks had on students. 

“I whipped out a shovel and smacked one of those boomer-age fire alarms, and it woke everyone up. Can you BELIEVE they almost suspended me for that? I basically saved this school, which is full of idiots, by the way, and they tried to suspend me. Now that they removed those fire alarms nobody’s gonna be able to stop those digital clocks. Smh.” 

The source of funding for Irvington High School’s digital clocks is also a mystery. However, what is clear is that these clocks are extremely expensive. Several parents and students have complained about the misuse of district funding. 

“Why is all of our tax money going to these clocks?” said AmongUs Fanatic, a middle schooler. “I want to buy Among Us pets!! Give me my money back.”

The truth behind Irvington High School’s digital clocks remains a mystery. On a side note, Jared had been reported as missing 2 days after his interview with The Voice, although the administration claims that Jared is simply on a spiritual journey to mend his broken heart after he watched the anime Your Lie in April.