“You have just been abducted by a UFO. While you are figuring out what just happened to you, a frantic alien bursts into the room. “‘You have no idea how many rules I’m breaking, but my Human Studies final is tomorrow and I need help'”- r/WritingPrompts

“Mood,” I said. “I actually have a calc test tomorrow, will you help me out too?”

“I literally just abducted you. If I pass, then you can leave. If I fail, then you’ll stay until I get an A,” the alien replied.

“Ah, okay. Good to know that ultra competitive school cultures exist in the alien world too,” I said. “In that case, I get it. Sure, I’ll teach you how to be human.”

“No, not how to be human,” he clarified. “I’m fine being myself. I just need to fulfill my elective requirement for the University of Melbourne.”

“Hold on, you go to the University of Melbourne? Like in Australia?” I asked, shocked.

“What did you expect, The Alien University of Shmelborg?” he asked, rolling his eyes. “You humans are so shallow minded. My name is Shlonk and my skin is green when I go into the sun. If I didn’t need you to help me study, I would slurp you up and eat you for my dinner.”

“Hi Shlonk, my name is—” I chirped.

“MY NAME IS NOT SHLONK! I’m Avery!” he cried. “For that matter, you’re the alien in my perspective, your skin color is odd, and I doubt you can photosynthesize. That’s how I usually take in nutrients, by the way. It’s either this or a sustenance pill. We have our own language, and I’m talking to you through a translating device right now. Honestly, the big-eyed green alien stereotype is all too common in traditional media and it’s weird that humans don’t think that other life is more”—he air quoted the next word—“normal.” 

“Wait, but, what about the taste of food? Doesn’t eating a sandy pill as a replacement for food just taste bad?” I asked.

“Bro, I don’t have taste buds. I do what I do to satisfy my needs.”

“I bet you do.” I turned around to an imaginary camera and smirked at it, Conan O’Brien style.

“What—” Avery trailed off and gave up trying to speak the rest of his sentence. 

“YouTube man! It was so nice with my three month free trial, but now I have to watch ads all the time. I guess it’s good that they have ads, because otherwise I’d probably watch YouTube way too much,” I chattered. 

He turned aside, shook his head, and muttered something that sounded like “Any other human would’ve done better. But at least this one’s not dumb enough to tell people about the abduction.”

“Hey, I might not be smart, but my ears work pretty well. And actually, there are more stupid people. Like people who don’t wear masks,” I said. I picked up a lone fidget spinner and began twirling it. “Hold on, how did you get this fidget spinner? I thought only a couple people who went to my school got it.”

“Ah, don’t worry about that. It’s interesting to see people actually use fidget spinners though,” Avery said. “When the professor talked about it, I thought it was weird that you humans had to fidget when you got bored.”

“I’m going to ignore that jab. Okay, you don’t understand fidget spinners or Youtube. You’ve got a lot to learn, I’ve got a calc test to procrastinate on, so let’s get started. How much time do you have before your test?” I asked.

He checked his watch and waved his finger in the air, seeming to calculate the time. 

I laughed, and he turned to look me in the eye.

“What? Come on, at least I know how to use a watch face,” I said. “Or at least get a digital watch. You can get one at Walmart for like, five bucks.”

“This is a family heirloom,” Avery said. “You are so annoying. Because time moves fast on the UFO, even though I said tomorrow earlier, I’ve got about ten minutes until my test.”

“TEN MINUTES?” I exclaimed. “You’re hopeless.”

“You’re quite the optimist.”

“Based on how much you know already—which isn’t a lot, mind you—you’re kind of done for.”

He sighed and looked displeased.

I continued spinning the fidget spinner for a couple seconds, then paused it. “Hold on though. Did your professor say you could bring anything to help you? Say, a dictionary?”

Avery thought for a moment and said, “Yes, he said specifically, anything not connected to the internet.” 

I jumped off the table. “Hey, I’m not connected to the internet! Bring me, and I’ll help you through your test.”

“I- Is that how it works?” Avery asked, concerned.

“Well, I’m your best bet. After this though, the professor will probably clarify and say that you can only bring a dictionary, but this one time, you can use me!” 

“I’ve got nothing to lose,” Avery sighed. “Okay, I’m down.”

“Awesome! And you’ll help me with calc later on?” I asked, pointing finger guns at him.

“Nope, then I’ll clear your mind and you won’t remember anything from this, just like every other time, so learning from me would be useless,” he said. “You’ll probably do fine enough though.” 

I assured myself that he was joking, and his alien self would transmit me super math powers or something. 

Afterwards, we went to his class, where I served as his dictionary. His professor had a good laugh, and I’m pretty sure I helped him get an A.

“That was fun! So you’re going to help me with calc now right?” I asked. 

“Alright, good night!” he said. 

“Wait-” 

I woke up in my bed. 

“Huh? That was weird.”

In true teenage fashion, I checked my phone, saw nothing urgent, but stayed up two hours scrolling through Twitter, Instagram, and Messenger. After I realized it was nearly three am, I finally went back to bed.

“Dang, I still have that calc test,” I muttered, but I went back to sleep anyway.