Seagulls Achieve Their Conquest of IHS


A seagull on its scouring mission

As of late, the seagull population of Irvington High School has officially taken over the campus, completely claiming the main office as their territory. The birds have been poised to take over the campus in a coup starting from the beginning of quarantine, when they slowly began coming out of their shelters in droves. The lack of students on campus has also opened up their access to special powers, seen from the lack of student presence and littering on campus. They have also gained access to surrounding areas as well, completely taking over the 7/11 outside the campus. 

This takeover began in April, when seagulls felt more confident in leaving their shelters in the trees for their true natural habitat: the school campus. According to the seagull commander, B. Orb, the students completely left the campus one day, leaving his clan confused as to where they had gone, and whether they were gone for good. “I swear, those hoomans would not stop talking about some stupid virus”, said Orb. “It was a moment of rejoicing when they left, but our clan was still cautious. We wondered if they had really left, or if they were just keeping their food from us. As we know, the greedy hoomans have a “don’t let seagulls steal your food policy”, so we wondered if they just wanted to deny us the food we need.” 

However, after sending a dispatch of their spies across Fremont to discover and steal food, they noticed “an atmosphere of dread and dismay,” similar to the normal environment in any FUSD school, but in their homes. After researching through contacting fellow birds, they discovered that the students would not come back for a long time. This opened an opportunity for them to populate Irvington’s campus without fear of human intervention.

Apart from the obvious gain in territory, the birds have also noted an increase in mysterious powers, including the ability to shoo 20 people away at once. These powers were initially noted after eating the leftover cafeteria food. This has increased their sense of perception, which has aided them in fending off student takeover attempts. “While initially I marveled at the sheer lack of quality in the food, I later began seeing visions of some kids coming back to campus with some books in their hand” said B. Ird, successor to the clan. Ird and his fellow clan members were quickly able to stop the children, destroy their books, and hold prisoner-of-war trials for them. An extra power that they have seen is their magnet-like ability to attract food. They noticed a large number of boba shops across the region, and decided that they would steal all of it, but instead, the boba came to them. 

While this increase in power has been beneficial, it has also resulted in more issues for the seagulls, mainly stemming from their boba hoarding.They have noticed that boba, which is not intended part of their normal diet, is very unhealthy for them. Reports of choking related accidents have increased exponentially within the seagull population, causing 500 deaths in the past month. Additionally, the boba has slowed them down, which has caused them to be less efficient when it comes to taking the students hostage. Clan disputes are also on the rise, with boba effectively becoming a vigorously hoarded good that has caused internal warfare. “I’m extremely terrified for my life,” said an anonymous seagull. “If they find me I could lose my boba and my-”(the seagulls’ perception skills resulted in this bird being found, followed by intense screeches).

It cannot be denied, however, that the seagulls have achieved great success in their coup. They have successfully pecked away all the staff, students, and even other animals, which has caused them to consider taking over more land. “We have already conquered the 7/11, symbol of the human greed and unwillingness to give us food, and now, we shall join forces with the other clans!” said Orb. “Together, we shall dominate Fremont!!!!”