Dear Yolotl,

Today I called my favorite fictional character a little meow meow on Twitter, but now I’m being attacked for it 🙁 The people in my mentions say that I’m wrong and that they hate my character even when they’ve done nothing wrong! What should I do?

Your little pogchamp,

Discord Kitten#11037

Hey Discord Kitten,

Maybe you should reconsider your actions. Your favorite character could be on someone’s carrd’s “do not interact if”, and maybe that’s why they dislike you for it. You’re breaching their boundaries! Go through all thirteen sections of their carrd first and spend at least half an hour analyzing their enneagrams and personality types before you decide to state your point on the funky bird app! Bold of you to ever assume that you can share your opinions on a platform of your size! So in conclusion, you should be more sensitive to other people’s feelings. Shame on you! Educate yourself first! 

Your homie,

Anti-Yolotl

Yo Yolotl,

Why are people so mean on this app? I literally just said that “kpop sucks” and now I’m receiving so many of whatever these fancams are under my tweet. They keep copying and pasting paragraphs about album releases and their “bias” and I had to mute the tweet but now they’re in my dm’s! Please help me!

@ZarkMuckerburger1689289025

Ayo ZarkMuckerburger1689289025,

Well maybe if you stanned LOONA, this wouldn’t have happened!! Didn’t you know that you always have to cater to the public’s wants? You can’t just say “kpop sucks” and get away without getting flooded with fancams! It’s like Twitter tradition, omg. Maybe you should read those paragraphs and become one of them because if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.  (P.S. You should totally listen to The Feels by Twice if you ever decide to become one of us. We have banger songs in this place, and this is one of them.) 

Your resident stan,

@Yolotl_loves_kpop

Dear Yolotl,

What the heck is a bestie? Why do people keep calling me that when I reply to their tweets? I hate it when they keep calling me things like that and similar terms such as “oomf” and “moot.” What do they all mean and why are there so many of them??? How do I get them to go away?

Deeply Disturbed,

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene

Hi Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene,

First of all, “oomf” is the sound you make when you die in Roblox. I thought that should be obvious enough but apparently not?? Bestie is pretty self-explanatory (why ask that question in the first place). And “moot” means, by Google’s definition, “subject to debate, dispute, or uncertainty” or, in other words, “problematic.” So make sure to double-check your tweets before you send them because they’re calling you problematic! They’ll flock to you, trying to get you canceled, and before you know it, your name will be on the trending page with a big hashtag on the top. You simply cannot get rid of them. I mean, you could try hitting the slay button to see how the situation goes after that. Or you could, you know, hit the deactivate button instead. Whichever one suits your needs! 

Your oomfie,

Bestie Yolotl