The Greatest Voice Actor of All Time

Chris Pratt preparing for his role in Mario.

Ojas Vatsyayan

Chris Pratt preparing for his role in Mario.

Chris Pratt, an American actor known for playing Star Lord in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.1 and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2, has just taken on a contract to play a new character. But not just any live-action character. Christopher Michael Pratt will be playing Mario the Plumber in the upcoming Mario movie. Yes, you read this right. Pratt, the dude most famous for basically causing the death of half the universe in Infinity War, is playing the plumber from those video games we played as kids. He will be voicing Mario in the untitled animated Mario movie coming out this year.

After this contract was signed, news came out that Christopher Michael Pratt had just signed a billion dollar deal with WB to voice every single cartoon character they have ever owned! Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig? Forget about it! This is Pratt’s show now. Audience reaction to the decision was loud,widespread, and overwhelmingly negative. But I just don’t get it.Here’s why this was the greatest move that the television industry has ever made.

For one, Pratt was a hell of a Star Lord. He brought the Guardians of the Galaxy, a formerly criminally underrated group of heroes, back to light and life. His movies were, frankly, quite awesome. He’s proven himself to be a great actor, and OF COURSE this is going to translate over to the voice acting scene! Bugs Bunny isn’t too different from Star-Lord! They both joke around, they’re both main characters, and they’re both now played by Chris Pratt! The only question is, which Chris Pratt are we going to get? The guns-blazing Chris Pratt from Guardians of the Galaxy, or the funny Chris Pratt from Parks and Recreation? It just goes to show how huge of a range Pratt has, and it renews my faith in that he is THE GREATEST VOICE ACTOR OF ALL TIME. 

In fact, I’m willing to argue that Pratt should be voicing more animated characters. He’s evidently the greatest actor and voice actor of all time, and it’s obvious he’s going to be the greatest Mario to ever live. This is, quite simply, the greatest move ever made in the television industry. It even beats out the Will Smith slaps Chris Rock event (literally). Nothing tops it, which is why this signing should be deemed the greatest of all time.

As I’ve written this article, I’ve gotten a flash of inspiration. Chris Pratt should be playing Mickey Mouse. The greatest children’s show ever deserves the greatest actor ever as its representative. They also have the same voices, because if Pratt can voice Italian, he can voice anything. And finally, I’d like to thank Chris Pratt for reviving our childhoods with these wonderful characters. Also, please don’t suck. Please.