They say DC is Hollywood for ugly people, but even in the dirtiest of dumpsters, there are a few gems here and there. Sure, maybe a few politicians look like they peaked during the Washington administration, but there are definitely a few today with sharp looks. From hairlines hanging on for dear life to people who look suspiciously young, we’ve ranked the most attractive politicians in DC.
- Donald Trump: He’s the poster boy of politicians. A receding hairline that’s seen better days, rugged leathery skin that seems to be melting off his face, and a dad bod that would have kept the Titanic afloat. People say he looks orange, but honestly, it’s more of a seductive yellow ochre. In fact, people like E. Jean Carrol and Stormy Daniels miss him so much that they’re willing to take him to court just to see him again.
- Kamala Harris: Kamala Harris looks suspiciously young for someone who’s pushing 60. Perhaps she’s using some Pizzagate occult ritual to reverse aging? Aside from that, her grotesque yet charming laugh is sure to win over votes this election cycle.
- Marjorie Taylor Greene: A blonde bombshell who’s not afraid to tweet her thoughts, no one makes QAnon and anti-vaxx stories seem more believable. Loud and confident (albeit often wrong), she’s certainly one of the more attractive members of the House of Representatives.
- JD Vance: Charming smile and a haircut that’s a blend of corporate lovechild and middle school teacher, JD Vance can be compared to Nike Air Force 1’s. Not the prettiest out there, but certainly better than whatever came before. However, he’s probably not interested in a relationship with you, unless you happen to be a sofa.
- Honorable Mention — Boris Johnson: We know, he isn’t an American politician. But still, his one-of-a-kind hair just can’t be skipped. It’s like if Ed Sheeran and Donald Trump had a baby, but it was born with a beer gut and horrible teeth.
We staff writers at the Irvington Voice know it’s hard to pick a politician crush, which is why we’ve put together this comprehensive list for you. Hopefully after reading this article, you’ll be more informed about your choices and who you choose to obsess over, whether it’s having a Marjorie Taylor Greene shrine to pray to before tests, or a Boris Johnson body pillow to keep you soundly asleep at night.
