When Reela Dicted (10) had three tests scheduled on a Tuesday, she didn’t think much of it – at first. She went through the usual process: procrastination followed by a brief “locked in” phase (lasted five minutes: achieved writing her name). Then she decided she deserved a break, procrastinated again, and then pulled a coffee-induced all-nighter. This classic ritual, beloved to many high school students, usually ends somewhat successfully, on the condition that the lack of sleep is compensated with a lengthy nap after the school day.
Of course, if there are more tests the next day, a lengthy nap is simply not possible. Concerningly, this isn’t possible for Irvington students. In a phenomenon named the “big back2back test conspiracy,” students across Irvington are noticing that the dates of their tests are lining up rather suspiciously. Reports of a potential master test calendar emerged on Friday, including a shady email between two teachers that detailed the implementation of a “test alignment plan.” Pleas for further investigation into the conspiracy were denied by the school administration, dismissing the claims as a rumor. Despite profound evidence, no action has been taken by admin or teachers to relieve any of the rumors, besides stating that “it’s just an unfortunate coincidence.”
Of course, students have already started monetizing this situation for college applications. Thera Pistfriend (11) decided to open free passing period therapy when she supposedly heard about the panic and stress of the big back2back test conspiracy. During a friendly, lie-detector interview, Pistfriend described her motives for starting this program. “The extracurriculars section of my college application was lacking in non-profits, so I decided to do this so I can get a tier 2 leadership role.” The sessions are two minutes, and people with a test in the next period are given priority. The current waitlist exceeds two weeks, not including weekends. “I conduct about two, maybe three sessions per passing period, but I am looking for other student therapists so we can help more people than that,” said Pistfriend. This speed therapy follows a strict schedule: “I generally allow my client to rant for about forty seconds, and after that I relate to their situation for about ten seconds. I like to have a solid thirty to forty seconds to cry, for which I provide my own Kleenex that I chronically steal from each of my teacher’s classrooms, and whatever time is left we stress eat together.” Pistfriend’s unconventional approach to therapy has proven useful to many students. “I first went for the free food, but some of her advice has actually been really useful. Thera told me to make a cry schedule, where I set a timer for ten minutes everyday and just cry,” remarked So Bing (11).
Another common approach to the panic of big back2back that existed even before the big back2back test days: students are now resigned to their fate of sacrificing subjects (surely more effort goes into calculating which subject gets what grade than actually studying). So when in doubt, prioritize! Which test will have the higher impact? Which test needs to be thoughtfully studied and which one can you cram on the car ride to school? A failure in what subject will make your parents less mad? These are some things you can consider while sacrificing preparations for tests. If you don’t have enough time for that, Socrea Tive (9) designed an app that will rank tomorrow’s tests in order of importance to aid your studying regimen. “I want to be a CS major, so I developed an app called panic.ai so that you can have a more beneficial study schedule,” remarked Tive.
Although these solutions are good for combatting acute stress, they are not viable for the long-term stress that is caused by the big back2back test “conspiracy.” Makea C. Hange (12) and Icant Dothis (12) organized an association that fights for students’ rights. Fremont Unified District Students’ Association, or FUDSA had their first strike on September 27th, holding signs such as “cooked. ” and “I can’t be locked in all the time.” FUDSA and FUSD are yet to reach an agreement, as these strikes are hardly acknowledged because they take place before and after school. When asked about the impact of the strikes, Hange responded, “We’d probably get more attention if this was held during school hours . . . But I can’t miss my six AP classes and no one wants a tardy slip.” Teachers responded differently, some stating that it’s “silly and immature” to hold a strike for something that is a “privilege” and “should be valued.” Others responded more positively, saying that although they deny all allegations, perhaps it should be looked into. One teacher, who wished to remain anonymous outright admitted to the new hidden policy of test alignment and wants it to end since there is a coffee shortage, due to Irvington students hoarding coffee for night study sessions.
