The day was January 1st, 2024, marking the first day of the new year. I was simply enjoying my last few days of winter break when all of a sudden I heard an agitating, grating voice.
In just the blink of an eye, I was somehow transported back to Irvington High School, except this time something felt different. Instead of the usual prison-like vibe that Irvington gave off, it was way…happier? Everywhere around me was full of blinding pinks, greens, and blues. To my right, there were towering staircases that seemed to lead to nowhere. And worst of all, there was this odd, unusual NPC-like doll strangely staring into the distance.
All of a sudden, a low voice erupted from the speaker, “WELCOME TO THE IRVINGTON SQUID GAMES!! Win, and you will get 1 million points of extra credit, but be careful, or else you might get expelled!” Did I hear that right? Squid Game? Like the Netflix award-winning TV series? I didn’t even get the chance to catch a breath before the first game began: the good ol’ Red Light Green Light.
I looked down and saw that I was wearing the number 456 on my uniform. Immediately after, I checked my surroundings and saw faces I recognized. To my right was the honorable yet feared class clown, wearing the number 230. “I’m a legend, Thanos!” he suddenly shouted, as if he was talking to somebody. Nobody answered, and I was wondering why his face didn’t look like a grape. To my left was the so-called popular girl with the number 196 recording her hourly TikTok vlog. Little does she know, the no-phone policy still exists.
As I took all this in, the speaker suddenly announced the start of the game. “Red light! Green light! Red light!” Wait a minute…I’ve played these games before! Then I heard a loud beep followed by screaming. It turns out that when a player messes up, they get expelled (how tragic). Not wanting to be disowned by my parents, I ran for my life. After what seemed like an eternity, I reached the end and was awarded 2 points of extra credit! How considerate!
The next game was the classic, finger-licking-good Dalgona game, where we were instructed to carve unique shapes out of Dalgona candy. Oh no, I absolutely cannot get the Mona Lisa. I already failed Art 1 once, and there’s no need for me to do it again. I ended up getting the square root cookie. But all thanks to the PTSD I faced after getting a -200% on my algebra exam, I was able to piece my remaining two brain cells together and crack the code. And so, I finished mine in no time. As I did this, I couldn’t help but hear the screams of everyone else in the room as they were taken away by the guards.
Shortly after, the next game began. This one had a little kick to it. It was the greatly feared six-legged pentathlon, where players are instructed to complete five painful games in under five minutes. The first game, Flying Stone, had to be the hardest for me. Not only did I miss the stone five times, but I also tripped and landed on my foot. The next few games I passed without a sweat. Once again, every time someone got expelled, I would giggle to myself.
The next game was Mingle, an innocent yet disturbing game. Just like the other contestants, I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. As soon as I stepped into the game, I assumed it would be a free-for-all where people would get thrown around like ragdolls. However, instead of that, a happy-go-lucky melody started playing, and the room went dead silent. I hate to admit it, but I actually quite enjoyed the song. It really added to the overall vibe of the games, people getting expelled left to right. The goal of the game was to group up and enter rooms based on numbers, and if a player does not make it in time, they get a one-way ticket to ultimate doom. After many friendship betrayals, long standoffs, heated arguments, and wrestling matches, only a few other players managed to survive them all, of course, including me. No surprise there. I mean, I’m probably going to Stanford. No big deal.
Finally, the long-awaited game, Squid Game, the ultimate game that would decide the final winner. I was placed in what looked like the main gym but with way better style. This was the final game, and only players 230, 196, and I were the ones left. Dang, these people are going to end up jobless and in crippling debt after I get them expelled. After a short while, 230 was expelled after accidentally falling on a fork. What a shame, the Avengers couldn’t beat Thanos, but a mere fork did. Shortly after, player 196 met her doom when a bee had landed on her. Eh, not my problem. I knew not to trust little animals.
As the final and only winner of the Irvington Squid Game, I would like to clarify: extra credit does not buy happiness. But you know what would buy me happiness? A nice warm bowl of instant ramen right now.
