Are you single and ready to mingle? Excited to finally have a date on Valentine’s Day that isn’t your cat? You’ve come to the right place. This list will give you all the information necessary to acquire a successful date with the person of your choice. So become y/n for a few minutes, except it’s adapted to the bay niche.
First, the perfect way to acquire a date is by making unique, out-of-the-box statements that will get you the approval of anyone, anywhere. Say, “Will you still love me if I were a worm?” or “What happens if I’m a rock?” You can find a comprehensive list of what-ifs at norizznohuzz.com. This will help you elevate your game, and as a bonus, you can find out if they truly are “the one.” Pro tip: say this out of nowhere and in front of their friends.
Once this works, you can proceed to plan a Valentine’s date. For this, we have quite a few ideas that work at a (not 2%) 99.99% success rate. Make sure to say “I know a spot!” and then take them to either (1) the edge of a cliff with no internet reception or safety nets, (2) a no-star restaurant to try out mystery food served in dirty shoes (so quirky!), (3) interpretive dance classes, or (4) an abandoned parking lot. My personal favorite, interpretive dance, is especially fun when you’re competing with your date’s best friend.
Now that you have a chance to actually have a conversation with your date, make sure to either (1) tell all your deepest, darkest secrets on the first date so that you can make conversation, or (2) find out that you are basically the same person by saying stuff synchronously! Ask what your date listens to, and then say Beabadoobee and SZA in sync. Except pronounce Beabadoobee super fast so that it is incomprehensible, and say S, Z, and A individually in SZA. This will make you stand out to your date.
Finally, it is time to depart from the date. Endings are important and can determine your chance of getting a second. The best way to guarantee a second date is by saying, “Where’s my hug at?” Pro tip: it works best if you are a super senior. Make sure you fail senior year so that you can gain that status.
If this list does not get you the perfect Valentine’s date, make sure to listen to male alpha podcasts: there are many, and you can find whichever resonates with you the best!
Comments:
I_Am_Not_A_Bot: Thank you for your ad-
vice. Male alpha podcasts provide the best advice to find my soulmate who isn’t the random guy standing in front of my house every morning. Now I don’t need to find lonely, hot singles nearby online!
MaleAlpha0fficial101: I recommend going to Äteritsiputeritsipuolilautatsibaari. Fine dining. Fine place. Impressive name to impress your date with your fine pronouncation skills. Very impressive.
Icantreadhelp57: HOW DO I PRONOUNCE THAT?! I NEED HELP ASAP!!
RealReviewGenerator: My new girlfriend was elastic when she ate chili from that shoe.
EmoEmu758: Wait, how come it’s not working for me?
