Fires at school are always super dangerous and it’s important to make sure that students (except the ones I don’t like) and teachers are always safe and alerted. However, Irvington has been having many false alarms lately, and it almost seems like maybe our school doesn’t have a fire every two weeks? With the amount of false fire alarms and the rising suspicions that the alarms aren’t used properly, many are questioning the alarm’s existence. But it turns out that the possibilities of its usage are absolutely endless, and there are plenty of reasons why pulling the alarm will be beneficial. 

Pulling a fire alarm can get you out of many sticky situations. Do you have a science test you didn’t study for and a current grade that makes it look like you need to marry rich? Pull the fire alarm! Or maybe your teacher called on you in front of everyone and you don’t know the answer, but don’t worry! Just pull that alarm and you’re outta there! Are you in an argument with someone, and did they clock you a little too hard with their comeback? Don’t think of what to say, just pull that alarm! Or if you’re using the bathroom and there are a lot of people, just pull the alarm to drown out the noise and make everyone leave so you can go do your business in peace. Just hope that you can be out of there by the time people come back… But the flip side, if someone is really enjoying their time in the bathroom, just pull that alarm and clear them out! 

Beside getting you out of multiple predicaments, pulling the fire alarm can do much more than just that. February is the month of love, so you might be running into some couples that just seem like they REALLY like each other. But don’t worry, while a person might not love you, that fire alarm will! Just pull it and separate that couple. Or maybe you’ve been stuck in irrelevancy throughout your entire school year, so the only option is to simply pull that alarm and get some attention (NOTE: People will hate you. Also, get a therapist. Attention-seeking is weird!). Or, if you want a killer dramatic entrance or exit, the fire alarm is a perfect way to get people to see, and if they ask why there’s a fire alarm noise, just say it’s because you’re so hot! 

Clearly there are many benefits to pulling the fire alarm, but unfortunately, not everything is perfect. It turns out that people don’t like when you disrupt their teaching time (who would’ve thought?), so your teachers and peers will probably hate you. If your teachers hate you, you can kiss goodbye to those college recommendation letters (and have fun being broke when you grow up)! Also, you should probably watch your back in the hallways because students and intimate couples might come for you in your sleep and blow air horns. Worst of all, you could probably get in huge trouble with the school, but if you can get past all the consequences, feel free to pull the alarm!