The End of the Rainbow

Felicia Mo, Staff Writer

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What are the smartest people in your class doing right now as you read this article? How are they so smart? Are they grinding or are they born geniuses? Just recently, an alumnus who graduated top of his class (all top students mentioned in this article will remain anonymous for fear of being bombarded with questions and demands from fellow students in the future) approached The Voice claiming that there was a correlation between being smart and finding the end of the rainbow.

“The key to being a class Einstein is not studying hard or being born smart,” he said. “It’s actually finding the end of the rainbow.”

It might sound like a dubious connection at first, but the Voice interviewed the top student in each grade at Irvington and received confirmation that there is a solid link between finding the end of the rainbow and intellectual enlightenment.

“It’s not exactly the end of the rainbow that did it,” said a senior. “It’s finding the rainbow. That’s the hard part.”

When asked about the whereabouts of the end of the rainbow, world-class scientists replied, “No clue, but according to the angle of elevation and the height of the vertex of the parabola created by the rainbow along with the V0 of the water droplets with respect to the angle of the light at variable t time given x and y parametric equations, the end of the rainbow should be somewhere down “yonder” horizon, as Shakespeare (secretly a mathematician) liked to say.”

The top student in each class reported they were able to solve this (you call that hard?) and locate the end of the rainbow. They returned to school the next day smarter than ever before.

“The end of the rainbow is really something extraordinary,” said a freshman. “I can’t tell you exactly what’s there or else, as the legend goes, it’ll disappear. But, I wish everyone good luck in solving the word problem! I’ll even give you a hint: the answer is (0,0) on a coordinate plane!”

But what’s really at the end of the rainbow? This is a classic fairy tale question everyone’s heard about back in their elementary school days. But even as a high schooler, do you know the real answer to the end of the rainbow?

The possibilities are endless! Leprechauns? Sounds like something St. Patrick would say. A pot of gold? We’re all young, dumb, and broke and desperately need some money specially reserved for boba. Maybe another rainbow?

These are all cliché answers that everyone has heard before. But today, especially with everyone analyzing the Endgame trailer and all their other conspiracy theories, people come up with the most wild ideas. PewDiePie? Nah, he might make you a diss track. Captain Marvel? You watch too many movies. A living Brawl Star character? Put down your phone, you should be studying.