Donald Trump Drops New Platinum Album: The Deportation of Pablo


Emily Lendof/The Daily Beast

Our Supreme Leader busts some groovy rhymes.

Atira Nair, Staff Writer

On Thursday, Dec 15th, Donald J. Trump, or as he prefers to be called, D.J. Trumpp, released a surprise album, shocking the nation. Some criticize D.J. Trumpp on his decision to neglect presidential responsibility and work on an album, while others say that if this is going to be the end of the U.S. democracy, at least we’ll go down with some groovy tunes. In an interview conducted solely over Twitter, Trumpp stated that the inspiration for this album came from his role model, Richie Nix’s album Watergate. All critics agree, Trumpp’s songs are a work of genius.

The entire tracklist includes: Call Me Maybe cover (ft. President of Taiwan), I Want to Get in Your Pence, My Huuuge Hands Bring all the Political Leaders to the Yard, Started from a Million Dollar Loan (Now We’re Here), Straight Outta Queens, One Percent Represent, All I do is Win (With Putin’s Help), and Trumppalicious. His vocals are so perfect that you transcend reality and temporarily enter a separate heavenly realm while you lounge on a hammock and listen to his melodious voice.

Besides vocals, D.J. Trumpp is also an amazing rapper, reaching the hard-to-achieve level of those such as Kanye West, Jay-Z, and Drake. He raps out political masterpieces with lyrics like: Palms sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy / It’s probably because his dad killed JFK and I got 99 problems, but illegal Mexican immigrants ain’t one take his racist, scandalous twitter posts and turns them into racist, scandalous song lyrics in a “creative” and “artistic” way.

His album also includes bonus Christmas songs exclusively for U.S. citizens, to get the country in the Christmas spirit (and also probably to divert their attention from his trashy cabinet choices). Christmas hits like “All I Want For Christmas is Obama to Reveal his True Birth Certificate”, “Donald the Red-Nosed Supreme Leader”, and “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” help bring the warm, merry, slightly racist, narcissistic, fascist, misogynistic, xenophobic, and cheerful Christmas mood into our homes.

Trump also features many famous artists, political leaders, and public icons in his songs, many of which were written by his publicity directors. Putin features in this album alarmingly often. Along with the President of Russia and also possibly our future co-dictator, Kanye West, Ben Carson, 2 Chainz,Vanilla Ice, and even Tupac, some of the most glorious rappers of our time, also rap in his album.

Now we can go into the new year and the new presidency with a great, new soundtrack as the United States (and democracy) as we know it slowly fall apart.