Irvington Administration approves the formation of the Cap and Grade System


An anonymous junior has said that he/she plans on redistributing some of his/her percentage from US History to that of AP Chemistry.

Ayush Patel, Student Life Editor

On Mar. 74, Irvington administration issued an executive order, which will allow students to sell or redistribute grade percentage points, from the 5072-73 school year and onwards. This unprecedented change results from a student body’s heavy reliance on cheating. The administration announced that it would start off with an “Grade RushZ” in the career center. Money is not the only form of currency as students can trade in items for grade points as well.

“I have a negative 208.4 percent in my advisory,” super-senior Ganbir Mhuhman said. “I plan on selling my right arm, graphing calculator, and an A-gel pencil for a whole 5 percentage points for advisory, raising my grade from an NC to an I.”

Principal Priebus said that this new era of grade reform will have students and teachers enter a new, stress-free time period.

“Basically, we took into account that administration is just too lazy to do anything else,” Principal Priebus said. “I can’t. I just can’t. This is the easiest way to solve whatever the heck is going on.”

“We’re hoping this will alleviate the cheating issues at this school,” Principal Priebus said. “Not only will this eliminate the competitive atmosphere between students, but this new rule will let everyone have or have near a 4.0 GPA.”

DECA alumni and advisor, Creg Ghi, said that this new order will help students incorporate marketing and business strategies, allowing them to create new businesses based in Irvington.

“We’re trying to help students create start-ups with little trouble and at a very young age,” Ghi said. “This will instil that capitalist mindset into students and there will be an inevitably, Monta Vista-like environment.”

Several students feel confident about this new system that administration just placed. Sophomore Sanisha Tingh said that she feels this will let her relax more often at school.

“Screw the testbank,” sophomore Sanisha Tingh said. “This system right here –the one administration just established– is literally gold. I am beyond happy at this moment. Hands down, this will indirectly ensure my acceptance to Northern Polytechnic University.”