On Feb. 31 a dangerous koala bear ravaged the school hallways. The monstrous animal, whose name is Pete, escaped from the Elmwood Correctional Facility in Milpitas, California. Officials have been chasing the animal across the country, only to find Pete hiding out in a ditch next to the facility. When they made this monumental discovery, Pete managed to run all the way to Irvington to escape the police. This proved to be an extremely smart decision because Irvington looks like a jail. Thus when officials arrived at the scene, they mistook Irvington for an extension of the Elmwood Correctional Facility and decided not to investigate the campus.

After strategically hiding on our campus, Pete decided to terrorize the few amount of trees at our school. He ate all the leaves, only to realize he couldn’t digest them. When he entered freshman hallway, he was spotted by the campus security, who promptly began to chase the monster. However, Pete was able to shake his pursuers after puking on the ground, causing a four-person collision.

“I was hot on his tail, pun not intended,” said campus security person who wishes to remain anonymous. “However, I collided with my colleagues and the suspect escaped.”

After successfully avoiding the campus security, Pete crawled his way into a classroom unnoticed. When a student did notice him, there was a tumultuous uproar.

“I thought it was a spider at first,” said junior Zhara Zoo. “I freaked when I saw it stand up and then I realized that it wasn’t a spider after all.”

Pete almost escaped the encounter in the classroom. Unfortunately, someone closed the door behind him and he was unable to reach the door handle to run outside. Because of this, campus security was able to capture the beast. Shortly after, police arrived at the scene and took Pete back to Elmwood.

“He was a slippery little fellow,” said the baffled police. “And Irvington should get a makeover because we seriously thought it was a prison.”