APUSH Student Runs for President

Woo's official campaign photo.

Woo’s official campaign photo.

Shradha Krishnamurthy, Staff Writer

Irvington High School Student Yilliam Woo (11) has decided to run for President of the United States of America in 2020. He announced this over the school morning announcements on January 22, 2017.

When asked about his reasons for entering the election, Woo said, “I’ve been watching, along with many others, as the political situation in our country deteriorates further and further.” And he thinks he knows how to fix it. “I’ve taken a whole semester of AP US History, and that’s honestly been my biggest motivation at this point.” Woo believes that his one semester of Advanced Placement US History makes him more than qualified to run for President, claiming that the rigor of the class and never-ending notes on the wordy chapters have basically taught him how this entire country works.

He has not self-studied the intricacies of the Judicial Branch, Legislative Branch, or really, the Executive Branch because it’s in the next chapter of the book (although he claims the contrary), but he still expects to win by a landslide.

“Look at our current president!” Woo waved his hands in wild, explosive gestures over his head. “He’s an irrelevant former reality star with a penchant for bragging about the country’s nukes. If he can win, then I totally can”, he said, brushing Hot Cheeto crumbs off of his ill-fitting suit.

He expects this victory despite the fact that he is far too young to run for President. “Have you read that book, where the kid runs for president and like has the old lady as a Vice President?” Woo asked. “Like that. That’s what I’m gonna do.” He goes on to explain how the “kid” lied about his age on an official statement and somehow made it through multiple levels of security and eventually was  elected as President.

Woo is expecting that his campaign should at least make it to the Democratic National Convention.