Trump the Tree-Hugger

Trump’s love for the environment started at a young age.

Jeffrey Hill

Trump’s love for the environment started at a young age.

Prahalad Chari, Staff Writer

Every day Trump has a lot of work to do: from yelling at the secretaries to drinking a diet coke, to canceling meetings to drinking a diet coke, to tweeting furiously at 3 am to drinking a diet coke, to decimating the environment to drinking diet coke. To the undiscerning public eye, this is all Trump does. But there is much more to the story: Trump is a misunderstood environmentalist.

Since most Americans do not recycle, our president has taken it upon himself to drink all the diet cokes in the world for the sole purpose of protecting the environment from the scrupulous non-recyclers. His “HUGE” recycling bin is full of empty diet coke cans. Also, by chugging down the artificially-sweetened diet drinks, he promotes a healthy lifestyle. By increasing the popularity of diet drinks, Trump hopes that the public will learn about the key role diet drinks play in a diet. It’s literally in the name people!

All his extreme immigration laws are only to help the environment. With a minuscule 47% of America remaining unpopulated, it is essential to prevent overcrowding. Trump wants to shut off as many people as possible ONLY to prevent all the consequent deforestation to create more houses or farms. The more farms there are, the more methane-farting, extremely stinky, soil-eroding bovines: cows. All the methane that comes from these boisterous bovines tremendously deteriorates the ozone layer and we shouldn’t exacerbate the issue. Our president is trying to reduce our dependence on cows to protect the ozone layer. He does this by preventing more land from being used. And by reducing the number of immigrants who enter, we can stop the spread of this issue, and thus will be able to combat it easily in the future.

Another way that Trump tries to solve this issue is by slyly introducing vegan food into his establishments. The food at Trump Tower, especially the meat dishes, have been subject to vast amounts of criticism at the hands of critics. Why does the meat taste so different you ask? That is because it is not meat! To reduce America’s dependence on meat, Trump Tower now serves some vegan and soy alternatives instead. It’s not steak, it’s soy steak. Because his food is so “AMAZING,” people will reject all the meat they typically consume and will eat his more healthy, vegan options.

Not only does Trump encourage people to just eat green, but he also wants them to go green as well. By spending all the time on the golf courses, our president gets a lot closer to nature. He spends hours on end at the putting greens to ensure the general public will follow his example and go green, by literally going to the greens. Additionally, by spending time with nature at his own resorts, he doesn’t use the electricity at the White House, which means he uses less energy. Trump also travels by airplane because he doesn’t want to have his car and his entourage’s cars block the roads and cause traffic jams, which leads to more carbon emissions. So obviously a gas-guzzling airplane is better than a few cars.

By not just focusing on the policy decisions or public statements that he makes, one can clearly see that Trump is doing his best to save the environment. It is undeniably obvious our glorious president is a misunderstood environmentalist, who will only be looking for more ways to save our nation and planet.