Elementary School Stereotypes


Nancy Zuo, Staff Writer

While we most of us are proud Vikings who have transformed from Hornets (from Horner), we all still carry a bit of our elementary school experiences with us. Whether we’re still friends with people since first grade, or we’ve branched out to others, the shared seven years at the same elementary school have cultivated a vast array of personalities among the five elementary schools.

Warm Springs: This species dominates our campus. Maybe it’s because natural selection has blessed them with the dozens of boba cafes and restaurants conveniently nearby which have sufficiently nourished them as they’ve grown. It is safe to assume every other student we meet comes from here because there’s just so many of them. Before coming into Irvington, this pack of wolves have already built up their own network.

Weibel Elementary: These wanna-be Mission kids are a less common species, but, as some say, quality is better than quantity. They are characterized by their large-sized houses located under the watch of the great Mission Peak. These Crazy Rich Asian parents have strategically picked a nice location just out of the vicinity of boba shops and restaurants that may be a distraction for what’s really important: studying for that vocabulary test for high-GATE sixth grade English. While today we lurk around Facebook and Reddit, these Wildcats knew the real deal: Google+.

Hirsch Elementary: This rare species comes from the practical location adjacent to Horner Junior High. Hirsch students make quite the journey commuting to all of their educational institutions. Their playground is often mistaken to be part of Horner, and their students are commonly mistaken to be a Warm Springs or Weibel alumni. Their ice cream truck is constantly invaded by Horner students, and their school is invaded by QUEST volunteers.

Grimmer: During your time at Irvington, you’ll be lucky to meet one of these species because so many of them end up going to another Spanish-speaking school. Their elementary school is located third farthest from Irvington, and you are now able to view the BART from the playground at school. Grimmer kids also have easy access to shops like Starbucks and Quiznos unlike Weibel kids, at least.

Harvey Green: These students are the rarest of them all. While many don’t often remember this school exists, they are lucky enough have an ice cream truck, too.