A Sad, Sorry Senior, 2 Months Left to Live

In the school year of 2019-2020, we have had to say goodbye to many revered and respected members of our community. Here, we celebrate the good they have accomplished and the many treasured memories they have left us with.

My Motivation: My Motivation died on Friday, March 13, 2020, when Fremont Unified School District executed a fatal blow by declaring school to be cancelled for the next month. Before then, My Motivation had valiantly fought the terrible, debilitating disease known as “senioritis” ever since the diagnosis on January 24, 2020. When she was still with us, all those months ago, My Motivation was kind and strong, a wonderful friend to all who knew her. She helped me survive through stress, failure, and studying for my AP tests. The memory of My Motivation is carried on by her daughter, My Junior Year GPA. 

Hope For My Future: Much like My Motivation, Hope For My Future suffered terribly in 2020, eventually succumbing to sadness and shame and passing away late March. Hope For My Future will be remembered for his strength and his ability to even keep My Motivation from crumbling under the pressure (unfortunately, the death of Hope For My Future contributed to the demise of My Motivation). Though originally bright and strong, Hope For My Future was unable to cope with the depressing state of world politics, climate change, a raging pandemic, and college rejection. His final words as he rested on his deathbed of unfulfilled dreams were, “The apocalypse is upon us. Imma yeet.”

Trees to Make All the Toilet Paper: Last, but certainly not least, is the lives of the hundreds of thousands of Trees that sacrificed their lives for the greater good. Trees from around the world came together and gave us the greatest gift in our time of need: rolls of their pulverized guts to wipe our butts with. As brave and honorable as their sacrifice was, it would best if we just made like Japan and invested in some bidets.