Broadway’s Last Resort: Wii Sports Resort and more



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The Coronavirus pandemic has affected almost every industry in the capitalist hellscape but most particularly theater, whose patterns of revivals and unoriginality have, unfortunately for the industry, risen to the surface. Recent efforts by theater lovers include a virtual showing of Ratatouille: The Musical, which are valiant but ultimately not enough. Fans from the internet have gathered together to introduce Broadway’s new season of musicals, all of which are drawn from popular culture and are one hundred percent legitimate.

Take The Last Resort, for example, which was inspired by the popular video game franchise Wii Sports Resort. The show tells the origin story of Matt, the game’s most powerful and feared non-player character, before he became one of the most respected figures of all time. Matt’s struggles with balancing his humble roots and his growing prowess is reminiscent of Hamilton, and The Last Resort features stunts such as sword fighting and boxing, unlike the former, whose only gimmick is a rotating stage and redcoats.

Fans of gaming can also find solace in El Rapids, Broadway’s first venture into the Minecraft Youtuber community. This new show tells the story of Mexican Dream, a scrappy yet power-hungry migrant whose drug habit leads to a revolution, and features compelling characters such as a disabled British man, a Texan, and a green blob with a respectable Twitch follower-to-subscriber ratio. Critics have praised El Rapids for one of the most legitimate and genuine depictions of homosexuality, citing that “the possibility of a polyamorous relationship between any of the characters is not out of the question, and the dynamic of George and Dream had our gay-dar tingling almost immediately.” 

Critics have praised El Rapids as the new Hamilton, explaining that “at least Mexican Dream isn’t a slave owner.” The Catboy Times

The most recent addition to Broadway’s promising lineup is Crazy Rich Caucasians, based off of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s “brexit” from the British royals. The musical is also largely based off of their interview with Oprah Winfrey, with a three-minute long song titled “What?,” in which Oprah stands in silence for two minutes and fifty-nine seconds before uttering and almost comprehensible what (followed by a powerful standing ovation). Audiences have raved that the musical is extremely relevant and a must-see for the serfs of the lower class, emphasizing that understanding the woes of millionaire royals will put their own troubles in perspective.

While the showbiz industry is pretty tickled with its new additions and audiences, they strongly encourage fans to approach them with suggestions on new musicals. 

“The more thirteen through seventeen year old wannabe-British teenagers we can reel in, the better,” says Buff Quackity, who headed El Rapids. “If they’re willing to donate thirty dollars for a Twitch streamer to say ‘hi’ to them, they can surely spend a hundred dollars on tickets to a show that’s guaranteed to be much more rewarding and entertaining.”