The 2020 Chapter of Future Textbooks: Not Much to Write


The 45th President of the United Sates is pictured right standing next to the Secretary of Transportation

Anks Shawthy, Staff Writer

2020, is without a doubt, extremely uneventful. Nevertheless, history books will need something in order to weigh backpacks down. Future high school textbooks will invariably include these momentous events: the Hype House’s social, civil, and judicial impact, Kanye West’s presidential term, the sociological impact of whipped coffee, and most importantly, One Direction’s world peacemaking reunion and collaboration with Taylor Swift.

It is commonly agreed that the Hype House is a crucial contributor to the workings of modern-day society. A simple social experiment; what could have possibly happened if we put privileged rich teenagers in a mansion together to sing kumbaya? Superspreader events and parties which made LA the hotspot of a pandemic. The answers were clear: we generated a massive social movement of change. As the Hype House continues to display its immense talent in 15-second intervals, the rate of high school dropouts has decreased. Students across the world have suddenly grown aware of the importance of a good education. Thank you Noah Neck. 

And, of course, a history book can not be complete without mention of the US presidents. A mandatory section will cover Kanye West’s extremely successful campaign and the presidency from 2017-2025. It will be important to mention that during this time period, the national anthem was changed to any song by Kanye West. In fact, the only music that could be broadcasted was by Kanye West. This period of time also saw a rise in military recruitment numbers. This data can be correlated with the mandatory policy that everyone in the military wears a pair of Yeezy sneakers to war. Truly a patriotic time. 

It would be a sin to skip over pop culture in a history textbook. So how could one ever not mention the sociological impact of whipped coffee? Not only did it teach the importance of cooking, it taught seven-year-olds to drink 90% milked coffee. And that’s where the impact ends. 

Finally, our textbook’s biggest chapter would detail how world peace was achieved. Specifically, it would detail One Direction’s reunion in July of 2020! So much happened: a world tour was announced, a collaboration with Taylor Swift, Zayn came back, Harry Styles watermelon sugared his way to the top of the charts with his bandmates, and of course, their efforts led to a heavy peace among all of the world’s citizens.