Horner Hornets Defeat Vikings in Close Football Game


Irvington Vikings Football played a very close and challenging game against the Horner Middle School Hornets last Tuesday. The Vikings narrowly lost 7-40, while putting up what seemed to be their best effort.

The game started off strong, with the Vikings only letting the Hornets score two touchdowns in the first quarter. However, by the second quarter, the game started to get shaky, with the Hornets scoring another two touchdowns, and stomping down the Vikings in their attempts to score.

“We would have won, if it weren’t for these darn meddling kids,” said Viking Football team captain Looh Ser (9). “The speed of the Hornets, coupled with their sheer power on defense created a truly tricky situation for us!”

After a swift halftime performance featuring Irvington’s Math Club, the 3rd quarter began and the Vikings were able to score their first touchdown. However, it was reported that the Hornets were not on the field as of yet, allowing the Vikings to have a clear path to the end zone. This did not stop the Vikings from fumbling the ball right after, after their quarterback tripped over a wild goose running through the field.

Due to the match being held during a single advisory period, each quarter was only two minutes long, making the Hornet’s performance even more impressive. Additionally, despite the short playing times, fans and passersby still noticed the Vikings appearing to be “gassed” during the game, panting and falling onto their knees.

After the game ended, the Hornets declared their territory by urinating on the field and dumping Prime Energy drink cans in the parking lot. “We put the Vikings on a leash,” said Horner’s Football team captain Well Baller (7). “Our next stop is Washington High School during lunch, to take down the Huskies next.”

“This may have been our best performance of the season!” exclaimed Irvington Vikings Football coach Mr. Shaquille Oatmeal. “An astonishing 7 points is no small accomplishment for our team – we celebrated during the lunch period by all heading down to Bronco Billy’s Pizzeria together!”