It seems that almost everyone knows what LA influencers are (and if you don’t this is a sign to close facebook and open TikTok), as it’s almost impossible to not recognize one. The life of an LA influencer is amazing as well, with living a lavish life with huge amounts of money, as many nose jobs and lip filler appointments as you want, and the challenging job of faking your valley girl accent. However, with the amount of wannabe influencers on the internet, it feels as if no one knows how to actually be a proper influencer..

Step 1: Have NO talent. Who needs talent when you’re an influencer, just promote the products! If Kim can do it, then you surely can!

Step 2: Get (AT LEAST 2 mL) of lip filler. This is an absolutely necessary step and a part of the LA influencer look. How else are you gonna develop that drawled accent? If you can have it migrate and get all botched up, that’s even better!

Step 3: Be white. 

Step 4: Develop “The Accent”: So…like…this is…like a totally…necessary step…mmm yeah. Like…you…have to try and like…basically..like…slur all your words…and don’t forget to like…add an “mmm nyeah”…here and there…m’kay? Remember, you’re not some cheap valley girl, you’re an LA baddie with severe vocal fry. And if you really need help, just try and like…sound constipated..and let the lip filler do the rest!

Step 5: Get ALL of your stuff from Erewhon (You do live in LA after all…). Why waste your money getting food from an expensive store like Safeway when you can just go buy a delicious, healthy, strawberry at a cheap price of just $19! Don’t forget the cheap shakes and other delicious food that you can find there that are all essential parts of the diet of a TRUE influencer

Step 6: Summon your inner young Kim Kardashian. Just try being unbelievably and grossly bratty, entitled, and snobby. Remember, you’re an influencer, so don’t bother waiting in those lines. Don’t just skip tipping, skip even paying for your food at restaurants. Those small loser businesses should be honored you are gracing them with your divine presence (no one actually knows who you are…). 

Step 7: Don’t get another job. Have you tried being an influencer? The struggles are endless, I mean, it must be so tedious to have to review products sent by luxury brands you can’t pay for. However, when asked about your job, just say you’re a full-time influencer and then complain about the difficulty of your job, and don’t let any other profession tell you their job is harder!

Step 8: Get a sugar daddy. Wait, you didn’t actually think being an influencer pays good money right, (if you did go outside and get a job please)? You’re gonna need someone rich to pay for all your designer clothing, those lip filler dissolving appointments.

Step 9: Edit your photos, like, A LOT. You should practically look AI-generated. I mean, all that money spent on cosmetic surgery better do something after all. And don’t worry about being called a catfish, it’s not like anyone actually knows who you are anyways.