On January 1 in the year 9382, Irvington Athletics announced the debut of a new sport to be added to their program: Competitive PE.
When asked about the new sport, administration and athletic department alike emphasized the need for more multifaceted sports in school. “I felt like sports nowadays are too narrow — they only test one part of your body or brain,” said athletics director Mrs. Sediment Marsh. “We wanted to incorporate a sport in which students can experience a variety of tasks and really challenge themselves in their athletic ability. Hopefully we can finally implement a successful and dominant sport at Irvington!”
Although coming as a shock to many, students were pumped and excited to add competitive PE to their exhaustive list of extracurriculars for college.
“This is not something you see at every school!” rising eighth grader Freddie Rise exclaimed enthusiastically. “I bet that when the Ivies take a look at my involvement in competitive PE, it will really make me stand out as a diverse and unique candidate! Maybe I can finally drop one of my 15 self-study APs and only volunteer 50 hours a week instead of 60!” Many other students expressed the same sentiments.
On the first day of tryouts, over two hundred hopeful PE try-hards showed up to the big gym in hopes of making it on the distinguished team. The tryouts were brutal and harsh, with no breaks or breathing room. Prospects were pushed through capture the flag, dodgeball, and many more sports. Starting at 3 in the afternoon, tryouts concluded at 9 PM, when over 100 people were cut. Students who made it past the first round came back the next day, doing the whole thing all over again.
The roster was officially finalized on March 13, with a total of 20 people — 10 on varsity, 10 on JV. New JV member Geager Peroal said: “I am extremely grateful and humble for the opportunity to play for IHS Competitive PE. Many people have told me that it’s stupid and childish, but they just don’t get it. To be an outstanding competitive PE participant, you cannot just be somewhat athletic. There’s strength, stamina, mental ferocity, and tenacity required that not everyone has. It is NOT for everyone and people really need to understand just what it takes. Simple childhood games are complex — and not everyone can comprehend it. You need to be locked in, and bring the hustle as necessary.”
The competitive PE season will officially begin in the middle of April, and due to the novelty of the sport, an outline of an average competitive PE meet had just been created not even two weeks before the writing of this article.
Players will get to compete in all sorts of nostalgic childhood games. First, castle dodgeball. In this mix between dodgeball and knock over the hula hoops, contestants attempt to hit either their opponent or a stack of hula hoops in the shape of a castle. Second, pickleball. Although an official sport, being so commonly played in PE, it was a perfect way to incorporate an element of a “real” sport, according to some sources. Ultimate frisbee, kickball, ground hockey, and other iconic PE games are included in the schedule. Similar to tryouts, meets will take up an immeasurable amount of time.
Starting at 7 in the morning, contestants will nonstop compete in games until 9 at night. “It sounds rough, but it’s really just to test the athletes and push them to be the best they can,” commented organizer Buffay Ingle.
Irvington Competitive PE is determined, in their very first year, to not only sweep MVALs, but to also qualify for both NCS and CIF. In the future, it is even more likely that we will see them at world finals, and show the world just how remarkable the “Irvington PE sweats” can be.
