Ahhhh Youtubers. Never knowing when to stop pushing their limits! Of course, they would never survive without their precious “for cover” apology videos. Ranked by strength of performance, creativity, ambiance, “iconic-ness” and personal connection, these Youtubers fall all over the scale. Without any further ado, let’s discuss the most iconic crash and burns of this century. 

At the top of our list, going 9.9/10, is Colleen Ballinger. Colleen is a Youtube famous for her ‘Miranda Sings’ character, one of the most annoying creations on the planet. When faced with her past, and warned by her PR team to simply apologize and move forward, she did a double take. In this masterclass on victim mentality, Colleen SINGS her apology. While I would give her performance a high score simply for the genuine effort put into this nails on a chalkboard song, there were no tears… What’s an apology video without tears? The ambiance was pretty mellow…a couch, some pillows, the dull white background, so not much to run with there. Nevertheless, she has truly set new standards for celebrities everywhere with her ICONIC performance. How would I know I wanted my apologies serenaded before I came face to face with this video! Unfortunately, my emotions were ALL OVER the place in this video. While the soulless void that is Colleen’s eyes stared at the camera…. And at ME, I just felt watched, not empathetic or pitiful. For the overall blandness, bored to death stare, and “everyone needs to pity me for my mistakes”, Colleen takes the cake as the absolute WORST apology video of all time. 

With a close second at 7.62/10, Logan Paul. One cold evening long ago, Logan and his team of friends went trekking through the woods where they found a DEAD body. Instead of reporting then actual suicide scene of a Japanese man, THEY RECORDED IT. Of course, the backlash was immediate, but the situation was unique in a million different ways! Where else are you going to find a group dense enough to film the scene of someone’s death? When it comes to tears however, he was trying hard. With his eyes just a little red rimmed, enhanced by the ambiance and lighting, Paul delivers a damage-control-esque speech under just 2 minutes. What’s really unique about this video is the SHEER 180° Logan does before and after. From chaotic, obnoxious, “realistic” boy of youtube to a mature adult and back again! Who else could mimic that in such perfect form? He wrote the book on “how to be sorry” with this video, and I just couldn’t feel any emotions but disgust. 

But of course, Logan isn’t the only “prankster” of Youtube adding to the apology playbook. In the chapter under “calculated jump cuts,” the one and only David Dobrik makes his appearance at a 6.66/10. After sexual assault allegations surrounding his crew, David made a first apology video with a very light and happy tone, sitting comfortably on his couch in his, what I can only assume, studio apartment with a microphone almost making JOKES on his mistakes. When he was finally called out, he made a SECOND apology video, going more viral than the first, rated here. While I can say David seemed more sincere, I have to wonder whether he felt sorry that he posted the video, or just felt sorry he was losing his sponsors left and right. A good amount of the video consisted of “welling up” and ALMOST crying, just to cut to a different clip of talking where he looks PERFECTLY FINE. Mouth agape, I just KNEW other influencers were scrambling to write in jump cuts with their next apology. As for ambiance, I will say that he took a risk and sat on his floor for this video. Very much giving “low life” and “I‘m the victim here” vibes. The scenery was bland with his usual couch, an oversized hoodie, and a hat, so no extra points for style. Nonetheless, as someone who has spent a fair amount of time crashing out on the floor, I felt a deep emotional connection to this video.

Finally, our honorable mentions based on length, acting, ambiance, “iconic-ness,” and emotional connection are Tana Mongeu at 5.69/10, and Shane Dawson at 4.20/10. While sitting at opposite sides of the “do I G.A.F.” scale, Tana seems to be quite literally reading from a script, dead faced the entire time, while Shane presents us with his usual-too-close-to-the-camera-ness and a very obvious set up. Both videos were apologizing for problems that happened YEARS ago, revisiting the issues with a “why are we still addressing this” attitude. Of course, I still had to rate Tana first because her lack of G.A.F. was simply OFF THE CHARTS. I can almost see her PR team picking her outfit, arranging the camera, writing and editing the script, and more. As for Shane, he presented with an unimaginable amount of “let me pause and reflect time” putting his video up with over 20 minutes of apology. Nevertheless, they seem to be taking from the playbook, not so much adding to it, so I can’t rate them any higher.