Hello everyone! While I am currently happily in a relationship,  I do consider myself a serial dater. As kids, we all dream of being a superhero. Some wish for flight, others for invisibility, super-strength or super-speed. Yet even among superheroes I am like no other, and my attraction level is off the charts. Men, women, extraterrestrials, no one can resist my incredible charm, and I can’t stay in one place for too long. But how did my story begin?

Roaming through the halls of Irvington High School, my confidence through the roof and soaring, I decided to ask out a girl. This was a monumental moment. Nothing would be able to halt my victory. Yet at the end of the conversation, I lay on the floor in utter defeat. How could something like this happen? I could never let such a humiliating defeat like this ever occur again.

So, I began my training arc. Every day, 6 sets of chin lifts, 2 minutes of thumb pulling, and constant mewing throughout the day. Then came my greatest upgrades: getting my ears at Inkies, and my hair permed at Envy U by Dina and my hair cut from Stevez Cuts. Now, I was truly unstoppable.

Often they capitulated before I even had the opportunity to begin my advance. Entire parties get shut down just by my presence. When I had to get my botox surgery, only robots were able to operate on me, as by the end of my operation no human could stay within my

presence for an extended duration of time. All of my vic- partners have their code names (that’s the only way I can remember all of them). You may have heard on the grapevine about my particular escapades, but for confidentiality they will not be listed. A defining characteristic for each of them is always their personality. The numerical value has surpassed measurable limits (at least 15).

Now, I am in a comfortable relationship, and so far this has lasted longer than any of my previous relationships (1 week!), and I have faith it may last one more. But, I have more serious ambitions for the future, and such trivial things as “relationships” will not shackle me. I need to go above and beyond, even 2 or 3 targ- partners at the same time is not enough for my goal. Everyone has their favorite superheroes, but I am a super hero among superheroes.