March 21, 2016
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By “Nathan Fu” | Entertainment Editor
1. Dear Nafu,
I tried to ask this girl out but for some reason she ran away screaming. I don’t understand. All I did was wear my trusty fedora and crocs with socks. Please help me figure out what I did wrong.
I know this will be hard to take in but some people in this world are just haters. Their own lives are useless so they unleash their resentment by expressing the hate they have for themselves on the rest of the world. The only thing you can do when you see those haters is walk faster. Remember, haters gonna hate but bakers gonna bake. That’s from a Taylor Swift song. I hope she doesn’t sue me.
2. Dear Nafu,
I made dinner for my valentine and she got stomach flu what do I do? She keeps bringing up the incident and she can’t get over it.
I once tried to cook myself some food, and I ended up getting stomach flu too. But I found a way to forgive myself. If I can forgive myself, your valentine should be able to forgive you. Tell her to create a positive environment that doesn’t spread stress, but other spreadable things instead. Like peanut butter. Mmm.
3. Dear Nafu,
This Valentine’s day no one bought me a Valentine Gram. I feel really depressed and I do not want to feel this type of pain again. What should I do next year? Should I buy myself a Valentine Gram?
Not receiving a valentine gram shouldn’t make you depressed as you didn’t get a Valentine Gram for the last 364 days. Maybe your secret admirer is shy or he/she was really busy at school. Next year you should make other people happy by buying Valentine Grams for them. Next year, buy several valentines for people you don’t know very well. This may seem weird, but to make it less weird, write extremely personal messages inside to let them know you aren’t afraid to be friends. My Mama always told me to spread love like it was the swine flu.
4. Dear Nafu,
I tried asking people out to prom and out on Valentine’s Day but no one took me
seriously. They all thought I was joking, so I played along with them. My mom says I will always be lonely but I want to prove her wrong. What should I do so that people take me seriously, especially when I ask them out?
My mom does not believe that I can get a girlfriend either, but that isn’t stopping me. Instead, turn your mom’s mean words into words of motivation. As for getting a girlfriend, ask her out on the first day of school because girls hate being rushed. It’ll give her time to think. Act like yourself and a girl will come to you. Don’t try to be funny just to make her laugh. Be yourself! No one wants to peel an orange and find an apple inside.