The female version

If nobody has noticed yet, there’s an overabundance of problems with our school bathrooms. Why do people continue to go to said bathrooms? Because it’s one step up from peeing in the trees.

Here’s a list of things that have gone wrong with the [girls’] bathrooms. Maybe one day, when you’re bored, you can go on a scavenger hunt. Note: these are only for girls’ bathrooms.

• There’s no mirror in the girls’ locker room bathroom. How are girls who bring makeup and hair curlers to school going to do without a mirror?
• The floors of the bathrooms near Room 81 and 51 almost always have a combination of dirt from shoes and water from the sink. Ew.
• The construction workers apparently miscalculated the size of the bathrooms in the 200 wing. Because I can barely get in. And I’m stick-size.
• In the P wing, the plumbing of the bathroom with the largest stall was done wrong, so whenever you flush it, rooms P8 and P7 will hear a chi-kuk sound. Zimmerman and Lee’s classes will all know you went to the bathroom. Excellent.
• The lights in the bathroom in the cafeteria turn on by motion-sensors. So if you don’t move for a long time because ahem, you’re going to end up taking a dump in the dark.
• Tampons and pads litter the floor; blood smears the toilet seat. Enough said.
• STALLS THAT DON’T LOCK. HOW MANY ARE THERE? OVER 9000.

Things to be thankful for:

• At least it’s not the boys’ bathroom.