Survival Guide for 12-21-2012

Tips and tricks to help you prepare for the end if the world

By Nisha Patel

  1. Live like a caveman: Go find a hole in your local neighborhood, stock it up with food and water, build a clear pathway between your most visited locations, and just wait for the time to come.
  2. Move in to your refrigerator, and padlock the doors. If Earth is going to heat up, you might as well die comfortably. There’s food, clean water, light, and shelter: a package deal!
  3. Become a Boy Scout. You’re going to need to know the outdoor survival skills, so start with the basics. You should learn how to start a fire without lighter fluid, eat without a microwave, signal for help without the use of a cellphone, and tend a wound without a Band-aid.
  4. Enroll yourself in therapy or join a support group. Those who are mentally and physically prepared to survive are more likely to do so, accustom yourself to pain, cold, thirst, hunger, fatigue, and boredom.
  5. Just accept it. The Mayans said it was meant to be, and this happens to be how destiny works. See Mr. Domingo for further emotional support (He can help educate you on the Mayan ancestry and their superstitious beliefs).