Irvington Student Wins Award for Doing Absolutely Nothing™


Iye Dille working incredibly hard to win during the Nothing Nationals.

“For someone who does nothing, I’m actually a very busy person,” says Iye Dille (27). 

Dille is one of the first students to be recognized nationally for Doing Absolutely Nothing. They influenced a large amount of Irvington’s Nothing scene, and received the first-ever Irvington award for Doing Nothing (it has yet to come in the mail, as the person sending it has Done Nothing yet). 

In fact, the country’s largest and most charitable nonprofit educational organization Bollege Coard introduced an AP Nothing course specifically to challenge Iye Dille in their greatest field. 

Dille has spent much of their time improving Irvington’s Nothing-related extracurriculars. 6 years ago, they founded the Nothing Club, and maintain their presidency to this day. Activities within Nothing Club include Nothing Competitions. 

Imjus T. Sittinghere (10) claims that “Nothing Competitions are actually super competitive. I’ve been training for them since 5th grade, but have yet to win any awards. There are kids who train their whole lives just to do Nothing.”

The official criteria for winning a Nothing competition depends on the number of times a person blinks per every half hour. However, this number decreases as the students get older.

According to Watami Doinghere, a California judge for Nothing Contests, “The older students get, the easier their ability to wet their eyes without blinking. It’s common knowledge that your tongue grows an inch for every year you age, so at the high school level, we expect students to lick their eyeballs like geckos. It’s perfectly natural and not at all a side effect of that nuclear power plant across the street.” He then proceeded to demonstrate how to lick one’s own eyeball.

However, Doing Nothing wasn’t always a possibility for Dille. For the first four years of their high school career, they felt aimless. That was, until a man named Nick Vocalist approached them (read: was bribed by Dille’s parents in an effort to get them to finally move out) and convinced Dille to take up the niche extracurricular of Doing Nothing. 

While it may seem Doing Nothing has its academic drawbacks, Dille and other Nothing Course students beg to differ. Because of their inactivity during any other Nothing-related class, this is Iye Dille’s 18th year at Irvington, making them the longest-staying FUSD student to date (Dille claims this looks really good on college applications). Furthermore, to demonstrate their mastery of Nothing, they left all their college essays completely blank. “It shows how committed I am to my extracurriculars,” boasted Dille. “I don’t know why I keep receiving emails saying my application was incomplete.”

Despite their seemingly poor academic performance, Irvington’s awardance of the Doing Nothing award has caught the eye of many prestigious universities, including USC, UCLA, and Stanford. 

“Yeah, it’s crazy,” claims Dille. “For the past 15 years, I kept getting rejected from colleges, but this year, I’ve had top 50 colleges reach out to me. They kept saying something about a side door…?” Dille’s parents are just glad they’re leaving the house.

Dille would like to warn interested students about the dangers of Doing Nothing. You must practice Nothing with a trained professional. Consequences of failing to do so include: 

  • Drowning in the unfilled pool
  • Actually figuring out how to use Discord
  • Using your WIP topic to create World Peace 
  • Creating the Wellness Center
  • Moving Homecoming to March only for it to still be virtual

Dille brings this message to everyone wishing to pursue Nothing: 


So inspirational!