Student Diagnostic Essay:
Dear Barthowlowmew,
Last night i had a dream. My math turned into a dog but it was still her and she was still made at me for knot finishing my project. All of a sudden a portal opened under me and i feel thorough. I was still in school in a long dark hallway. The hallway kept going and going and was basically never ending. i couldnt tell where i was but somehow i still made it to the to the door at the end. I opened the door and before i new it a dog jumped on me. The glaring red eyes and ruler in its mouth made it muy obviouso that it was none other than my spanish teacher — wait no I meant math teacher, where did spanish come into this? I tried to run but my legs wouldn’t move and then i was 3 feet above the ground, flying to keep the dog from ripping my body into peaces. Everyone in the hallway was acting normal like this happens all the time. I tried screaming for help and spotted my 6 ft 7 inches tall friend to grab onto but when i spoke only bubbles came out and my friend who was so tall morphed into an insignificant rat. Then I woke up because i rolled off my bed. The end. Thank you for listening to my sotry and i hope you subscribe to my youtube channel for more!
Sincerely,
Your’s Truly
Teacher Email:
Hello, Mr. Richardson.
I am writing to discuss your diagnostic essay submission for this AP Literature course.
Let us begin with the introduction: “Dear Barthowlowmew.”
I assume this was intended to be my name. However, there are two issues here that need to be addressed immediately:
- You may not address me by my first name.
- “Barthowlowmew” is not my name. That is your name. And you didn’t even spell it correctly.
I find this behavior to be slightly disrespectful, if I’m being honest. At the AP level, attention to detail is expected.
Now moving on to the context of the assignment.
The diagnostic prompt was as follows: Write about a movement that impacted you in order to demonstrate your writing style, use of language, and ability to reflect.
Since it is the first week of class, I am willing to offer more grace. I can see how your submission loosely fits the prompt; however, it neither describes a moment that impacted you nor does it offer any reflection.
Let’s examine the content of your essay:
You begin by describing a dream in which your math teacher turns into a dog. While this image is certainly vivid, it is introduced without purpose. Why a dog? What does this transformation signify? Authority? Fear? Guilt over an unfinished project? You do not explore any of these possibilities, choosing instead to move on to the next event.
A portal then opens beneath you, causing you to “feel thorough.” Did you mean “fall through”? If so, this is a potentially powerful moment, yet it is never revisited. Transitions between events are abrupt, giving the impression that things are simply happening rather than being thoughtfully constructed.
You describe a hallway that is “basically never ending,” yet you somehow reach the door at the end. This contradiction weakens your narrative. Even within creative writing, internal logic matters. A reader should not have to decide which version of reality to believe.
Your confusion between your math teacher and Spanish teacher is acknowledged within the essay, but not corrected. Pointing out your own mistake does not absolve you from revising it. Self-awareness is not a substitute for editing.
Later, you state that your legs would not move, yet you are able to hover three feet above the ground. This again creates confusion. Are you immobilized, or are you flying? At no point do you clarify how these experiences coexist.
The appearance of your friend, described in precise height measurements before being turned into a rat, feels unnecessary. Adding specific details should serve a purpose. Here, they do not.
Your conclusion is especially concerning. Ending the essay with “the end,” followed by a request to subscribe to a YouTube channel, suggests a lack of seriousness toward this assignment. Additionally, waking up because you rolled off your bed is not a reflection.
Most importantly, your essay fails to address the core requirement of the prompt: reflection. What did you learn from this experience? How did this moment impact you? Are you anxious? Overwhelmed? Distracted? Has excessive screen time begun to infiltrate your subconscious? These are questions your essay gestures toward but never answers.
Please revise and resubmit this diagnostic essay with clearer structure, intentional symbolism, and a thoughtful reflection. Failure to do so may result in removal from this AP Literature course.
Also, please use spell check next time.
Your dream was not nearly as frightening as your writing was.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Brown
