The student-created online news source for Irvington High School | Fremont, CA

The Voice

Ask NaFu MD

One+of+my+past+patients+also+just+found+out+that+they+are+pregnant.+You%27re+welcome%2C+Harold.
One of my past patients also just found out that they are pregnant. You're welcome, Harold.

One of my past patients also just found out that they are pregnant. You're welcome, Harold.

Know Your Meme

Know Your Meme

One of my past patients also just found out that they are pregnant. You're welcome, Harold.

Subaita Rahman, Staff Writer

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






As inspired by the infamous and totally legitimate WebMD, our very own NaFu has decided to impart his own knowledge (courtesy of Wikipedia) to the Irvington student body and give his own totally legitimate diagnoses. Please do not take any of this seriously and consult a real doctor if you have any problems. (Not that NaFu isn’t a doctor. He is. There’s an MD by his name this time.)  

Dear NaFu MD,

I’ve been getting back aches recently, and I’m really concerned about what this means. I don’t think I do anything strenuous, and every time I look up my problems online, they say I either need to stop straining myself or that I may have an undetected brain tumor. What does this all mean?

Sincerely,

Achey Breaky

 

Dear Achey Breaky,

It’s very smart of you to come to me for this, because I can shed some light on the horrible potential issues here. Backaches are mysterious, but they usually indicate some serious underlying condition. In your case, judging from the aura of your words, there’s a high chance that you’re pregnant. I hope your astrology sign is cancer, because that’s also what you have.  Testicular cancer, to be specific. Sorry to be the bearer of both bad and good news?

Congratulations either way,

NaFu MD

 

Dear NaFu MD,

I used to love chemistry class, but my lab partner apparently recently forgot how to brush his teeth. Every time he talks, I can feel a few minutes being knocked off my lifespan. This is becoming a serious problem to both of us now.

Sincerely,

Dementor’s Kiss Victim

 

Dear Victim,

This is a great time to ask me this question, because I’ve recently discovered a new disease for people afflicted by bad breath. Breath cancer affects one in every three people at Irvington, and causes others harm by restricting oxygen flow, brain cell death, and emotional distress. This is a growing problem, yet fewer and fewer people are telling their friends how much their breath stinks. We recommend everyone to get vaccinated with Altoids or gum to protect themselves and help others. It is not too late to help, as breath cancer can be cured. Due to my extensive experience in making out with my girlfriend Nancy (She’s my stuffed rabbit, actually. It’s cool.) I have been fortunate enough to never have put myself at risk of breath cancer. Unfortunately we can’t say the same for everyone else.

Stay safe,

NaFu MD

 

Dear NaFu MD,

I’ve been coming to school with migraines for the past two weeks. Everyone says it’s because I’ve been sleeping 20 minutes a day for the past two weeks, but I don’t have time to sleep more. I can’t sleep through the grind. What should I do about this?

Sincerely,

Grind Never Stops [in my head]

 

Dear Grind,

You’re right – sleep is for the weak, and 20 minutes is more than enough. For your headaches, I would recommend reading the new Multivariable Calculus book. Truly the most interesting and captivating book I’ve ever chosen not to read. It’ll distract you from all your problems and soothe your aches with its comforting, easy-to-understand equations and diagrams. In fact, you can probably cut your sleep down to 10 minutes once you start reading this book.

Get reading!

NaFu MD

Navigate Right
Navigate Left
  • Ask NaFu MD

    Humor

    The Voice’s Weekly News Roundup | April 18-24

  • Humor

    Breaking: Exactly 90 percent of student body faint from viral epidemic

  • Ask NaFu MD

    Humor

    Mike Pence disowns daughters

  • Humor

    Wild animal loose in school hallway disrupts several classes

  • Humor

    Color Spotlight: Orange

  • Humor

    Why we should exile dumb people

  • Ask NaFu MD

    Humor

    Seagull flu strain gives rise to epidemic

  • Ask NaFu MD

    Humor

    Buzzfeed wins Pulitzer Prize for Breaking News Photography

  • Ask NaFu MD

    Humor

    Dear NaFu

  • Ask NaFu MD

    Humor

    Hunger Games Cancelled

The student-created online news source for Irvington High School | Fremont, CA
Ask NaFu MD