Dear candidates: Our real concerns

Dear candidates: Our real concerns

StraighterLine

Subaita Rahman, Staff Writer

Cheap puffy tutus, dollar-store capes, fliers that would make any real estate agent jealous, and candidates resembling tacky superheroes and cheerleader Teletubbies—yes, elections are in full force here at Irvington. Since Irvington has a specialty in making (and hearing!) complaints, we have decided to hear out the upperclassmen’s concerns of their frequent bouts of deja vu from this year and last year, and their difficulty distinguishing between members of this year’s candidate lineup. In order to help solve this, the Voice is proposing a few measures to help the candidates and students out by giving new problems to base your campaign on while still using campaign week for its full potential.

While communication and enthusiasm are big problems at Irvington, we at The Voice have been disappointed that so far the major issues of our school have been largely ignored. But don’t take our word for it—just listen to what your fellow students have to say, starting with safety and community.

“I personally don’t feel safe while at school,” said freshman Mannah Hontana. “Every day my hair gets stuck on the bolts on the chairs of almost class I’m in. I should feel welcome at Irvington, and instead I’m getting my hair pulled out.”

Other students look to the lack of spirit for fundraising as blessing in disguise, and something to bring attention to a larger problem.

“Our prom will probably end up being at a McDonalds,” said senior Blaise Zitte. “And you know what? Maybe that’ll be a good thing, because every time I reach into the rack in the cafeteria to get a ketchup packet, it’s super sticky and gross. We could learn a thing or two from them, if you ask me.”

Indeed, the students’ main concerns range from the weird divots on the benches in the horseshoe to the inconveniently placed doorway near the exit of the freshman hallway instead of the few minuscule inconveniences we face, like overall dejected spirit and the large sense of apathy we have towards school events and each other. Big deal, right? Can we at least mention how the lights in the 200s wing are never on? Or how we seemed to have given up halfway through painting the murals in our hallways? These are the real questions here.

Indeed, while the Voice does not normally take a political stance (I mean, look at our past issues—do you see one mention of Donald Trump anywhere?), we simply could not stay silent any longer while our fellow Vikings loudly complained about their apparent suffering. Get to it, ASB! You can thank us later.