Jeremiah Fisher had thought Hogwarts was just a fictional school. He had never considered that it might be real. Not once. Until today. One minute, he was sulking over his summer; the next, an owl crashed through his window, knocking over a cup of tea and dropping a crisp envelope sealed with crimson wax.
Hogwarts. Summer Term. Now.
Jeremiah blinked. “What…is this?” he muttered. Hogwarts? Like Harry Potter? He had no idea, but apparently, he was expected to be there immediately. He packed a bag, muttering bitterly about Belly, Conrad, and the absurdity of a magical school appearing out of nowhere.
Jeremiah’s arrival at Hogwarts had been nothing short of overwhelming. The castle was a maze of staircases that seemed to move just to spite him, portraits that whispered and snickered, and professors who barked instructions with little patience for his confusion. By the time he stumbled into the Great Hall, his head was spinning.
That’s when he saw him: a pale-haired boy leaning casually against a floating chandelier, hair perfect, smirk in place.
“You look…lost,” the boy said smoothly.
Jeremiah blinked. Lost? You have no idea. “Yeah…lost in life, lost in Hogwarts, and lost in my cancelled wedding plans,” he muttered under his breath.
The boy arched a pale eyebrow, smirk widening. “Charming. You’ll fit right in.” He didn’t even bother to give his name, as if Jeremiah should already know who he was. Jeremiah blinked at him and filed the encounter away as “weird” and moved on, wondering who that was.
The next morning, chaos hit at breakfast. Pancakes didn’t just float — they dive-bombed like golden frisbees, splattering syrup into hair and robes. Enchanted teacups hopped across the tables, spraying scalding tea in wide arcs. Ghosts swooped overhead, tugging braids, flipping plates, and shrieking with laughter as silverware clattered to the floor. First-years ducked under tables while others squealed, trying to swat away spectral hands snatching their food.
Jeremiah’s hands shook as he held his plate like a shield, yelling, “How are they… how is this happening?!” He weaved through the pandemonium — only for a rogue pancake to whip around and smack him squarely on the side of the head.
“No, no, no!” he yelled dramatically and fell to the ground, flailing his arms. As he wiped syrup from his eyes, he spotted two identical redheaded boys at the far end of the table, doubled over with laughter.
Before he could recover, another pancake launched itself straight at him. He flinched, bracing for impact — only for a pale blur to dart in front of him. The blond boy from yesterday lunged dramatically, snatching the pancake out of the air with a smirk.
“You’re hopeless…but somehow interesting,” he whispered.
Jeremiah sighed, wondering why this mysterious boy seemed to appear at his most embarrassing moments. Better me than Conrad, he thought absently.
Charms class was a disaster. Jeremiah’s levitating quill shot across the room like a rogue sparrow, knocking over potion bottles and showering the desks in glittering dust. Students coughed and waved their hands in the sparkling haze. The blond boy swooped in with practiced flair, catching the quill in what looked like slow motion.
Jeremiah groaned. Perfect. Heroics at the exact wrong time.
Care of Magical Creatures was even worse. Jeremiah accidentally startled a miniature dragon that was being studied in class. The creature screeched, slapping its tiny wings and lunging toward the blond boy. He yelped, dodging and waving his arms to keep from getting singed, his hair narrowly escaping a fiery touch. Jeremiah smirked into his sleeves. Finally, some entertainment that didn’t involve Belly and Conrad.
By dinner, Jeremiah was exhausted — but nothing prepared him for the dessert table. His eyes locked onto a massive cake, glimmering like it had been made just to taunt him. He froze. That’s…my wedding cake.
“It’s a 70% cacao dark chocolate cake with raspberry coulis and a mirror glaze finish,” he muttered. My one thing. Belly and Conrad ruined everything else, and now Hogwarts dares to tempt me with it?
The blond boy he’d bumped into all day hovered nearby, eyebrows raised. “You’re staring at cake?”
“Yes!” Jeremiah snapped. “This is my one thing! Belly and Conrad ruined it, and now it’s here, mocking me!”
A first-year student peeked nervously. “It’s just cake…”
“JUST CAKE,” Jeremiah shouted. “It’s perfection! My perfection! Do you know how long I agonized over the coulis, mirror glaze, and the exact 70% balance? HOURS!”
The blond boy standing nearby raised an eyebrow and leaned closer, voice low and dramatic.
“You can share it with me,” he said. Jeremiah blinked.
“W-what’s your name?” he muttered under his breath.
“Draco,” the boy replied, his smirk faint but unmistakable. Jeremiah cut a slice — partly to eat, mostly to reclaim over the chaos of his life. For the first time all day, he paused and glanced at Draco with a small, reluctant smile. Maybe…just maybe, staying at Hogwarts wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.
With glitter in his hair and slightly singed, Jeremiah slumped in his chair. Hogwarts might be absurd and chaotic — but at least his cake was still perfect, his one victory in a world that refused to stop being ridiculous.
