The Voice

Dear Yolotl

Prahalad Chari, Staff Writer

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Dear Yolotl,

The AP grind never stops and I want to chill. What should I do?

From,

A.P Roblems

 

Dear A.P Roblems,

Constantly working is definitely a problem, You need to get off that grind. The solution? Get distracted. Start your work early like a true grinder, but instead of working the whole time, spend 25 minutes messing around, then take a break from that break, and do work for 5 minutes. This is guaranteed to reduce the work that you do and make your life a lot calmer. You won’t have a lot of work if you pretend that you don’t have work to do!!!

From,

The Never Working Yolotl

 

Dear Yolotl,

I did course registration when I was sleeping and I signed up for the most random classes! AP Kahoot?! What should I do!

From,

Reg  E.R.

 

Dear Reg,

Just take it! When you were sleeping, you probably bypassed your Occipital Lobe and activated your Subcortex! Your subconscious went Sicko Mode and you must have signed up for the courses that you really wanted. This is your innermost desire. Let your dreams speak for themselves. Follow it to the end. Otherwise, flip a coin, and if it lands on a bird, then take that bird’s egg and crack it. If the egg has two yolks, drop the class; the fates say no.

From,

The Superstitious Yolotl

 

Dear Yolotl,

The school lunch cookies are too good. I can’t stop eating them! I need to stop, help!

From,

Adi C. Ted

 

Dear Adi,

Firstly, GET THAT COOKIE OUT OF YOUR MOUTH! It came from the school cafeteria, so who knows what’s in it? Next, you’ll need to go on a juice cleanse: I recommend mine. I lost 30 pounds in a matter of weeks. You are going to need a lot of kale (and I mean A LOT). Then take some Cruelty-Free Coconut Water and pour it gently into the blender along with the kale. But wait, there’s more! You’ll also need to add in the secret ingredient: loooovee. SIKE, love won’t get you anywhere. Love is a lie. Chivalry is dead. Also, it’s March: any romantic gesture is now considered insignificant. Now the real secret ingredient is liquid tumeric. Bend it till it’s smooth, and steep it in your Hydroflask. When picking which Hydroflask to use, make sure that it has a supreme sticker on it, or else it won’t work. Good Luck!

From,

The Cleansed Yolotl

 

Dear Yolotl,

The stress got me to slap myself and it hurt. So does that make me strong or weak?

From,

Showe. R. Thoughts

 

Dear Showe,

Really? C’mon! The answer is obvious. Get on with your life, man. There are so many places to go and so many things to see. You could do other things Go study if you are stressed out! Maybe de-stress, buy a stress ball. Don’t slap yourself dude! Live your life!

From,

YOLO tl

The student-created online news source for Irvington High School | Fremont, CA
Dear Yolotl