Local School Plagued With Devil Worshippers (Teachers)


Instant Cereal

This is Pillipeseseseses’ teaching certification with the red mark of the devil on his glasses. Only people possessed by the devil can see it. Can you?

Irvington High School: home of the most persevering buildings and that one homecoming dance (IHS Void was unable to find anything more interesting on this school). On top of that however, could it be the home of the unqualified teachers? Our team at the IHS Void uncovered that a socialist cabal connected to the California government has been providing teachers with fake credentials to teach at Irvington since the school was established. 

Our research began after receiving a report from one of the most trustworthy media sites in America, www.thes0cial1stsareru1ning3ducation.unsecure, suggesting that some schools in California, especially those in the FUSD, had taken part in these fraudulent activities. The founder of this elite organization, Bob, had reported seeing suspicious activities in a high school.

“When I went to Fremont, I saw this email that told me I was going to die in seven days, and I knew immediately that it had to be from the cabal,” explained Bob. “In numerology, all the words in that sentence add up to the letter L, which is what liberal teachers take everyday. I know that all my teachers did when they…they told me I wasn’t going to have a future.”

The real email Bob included in his report was just part of what we discovered. Through our premiere hacking system, we also found a teaching credential licensed to Irvington Pig Latin teacher Mhatheeww Pillipeseseseses. It might look like a normal license to some, but to everyone with knowledge on symbolism, there is a mark of the devil’s wrath on his glasses. When he was asked about this, Pillipeseseseses denied his crime.

*“Easeplay, i’myay ustjay ayay eachertay erehay,” Pillipeseseseses cried. “Ymay onlyyay imecray isyay eachingtay atyay isthay oolschay!”

Contrary to Pillipeseseseses’ desperate cries, California Governor Gravinn Nouxseaum admits to the fake contracts, noting that he was in a lifelong contract with the devil to provide false credentials to teachers. 

“I  never gave the teachers fake licenses and I would appreciate it if you would stop shoving knives at my face,” Nouxseaum admitted. “Please get out of my office now.”

While this may seem like a denial of his contract, all politicians are factually known to be adept at lying to people, so we took it as a confession of his crimes. 

Nouxseaum’s confirmation has prompted people like Bob to look into the validity of teacher credentials in the state. To start, he’s going back to his former high school, Mission San Jose High School. 

“You never know if a teacher is really a teacher,” Bob noted. “What if they’re being possessed by the devil? What if they’re really the devil reincarnate? These are relevant questions, and they must be answered. I will stop at no end to get back at my teachers stop this phenomenon from spreading across the state.”

* We at The VOID are unwilling to translate this so do it yourself 🙂