All Rallies Now Blacklight Rallies: Dim Days at IHS

All Rallies Now Blacklight Rallies: Dim Days at IHS

On March 31st, ASG announced that all rallies are now permanently converted to blacklight rallies due to power outages. This comes as a result of electricity cuts from the district. Money will be recirculated from non-essential needs like power and light to absolute necessities like adopting ten additional economic curriculums. 

“Blacklight rallies are the best rallies, so I don’t really mind the change,” rally commissioner, commented Los T. MaVois (20). 

Unfortunately, in a poll conducted by The Voice, 5000 students (poll link was accidentally also leaked to students from Mission San Jose) disagreed with Mavois due to changes to the blacklight rally system. The former neon bracelets handed out to attendees which allowed for a fun interactive experience, are now replaced with one graduated cylinder filled of an incandescent fluid in every corner of the gym. Irvington can no longer afford the glow-in-the-dark bracelets simply because the district gave up on our school completely. 

AP Chem student, Aye Plos (8), explained, “Creating the fluid through titration was 50%

of our grade and we were supposed to have about 30 cylinders to create enough light but none of the seniors wanted to do the work”.  

Overall hype for the rallies has sadly decreased. With no electricity available to run speakers for sound or project videos, rally commissioners have defaulted to having students stand up and proclaim “we feel good oh we feel so good oh” for 40 minutes straight. Eventually the cheer for “IHS Seniors” just ends with a faint mumbling instead of “SENIORS”. 

MaVois (20) was spotted in the Washington Hospital by one of our reporters yesterday. When asked to explain why he was there, he was unable to speak.

ASG later publicly announced that the absence of an electrical microphone has resulted in MaVois (20) completely losing their voice due to screaming. He has developed severe laryngitis. The next rally will feature the cheer, “MaVois does not feel good oh he does not feel good oh!”

The rest of the time in the rallies is filled with the same lightsaber fight over and over again as the one-time purchase of the 4 foot lightsaber completely drained ASG’s rally budget. With no background music, the performance is now awkward to watch because its essentially swinging arms and footstep noises. 

Next year rally commissioner candidate, Will Flop (2), was asked how he plans to improve our blacklight rallies in the future, however The Voice was unable to receive any tangible plans from Flop.