Next Year’s Junior’s are in for a PAIN-full Experience

PAIN Project Handbook


Gobelinus Regius | Surrealism painting, Art, Visionary art

Irvington’s most recent pitch for a new mural. What do you think? Not cryptic enough? | Jarosław Jaśnikowski

The Preparatory Analytical and Instructional Narrative for Juniors (PAIN for Juniors) is designed to increase stress levels for students in the 11th grade. It will help students develop useful habits such as procrastination, crying in front of the screen at 1am, and avoiding plagiarism by slightly changing the words on a paragraph they copy-pasted. DO NOT lose this packet. If you lose this packet, a new one will NOT be provided for you. 

Per district guidelines, any students that lose their packet will be placed in an arena to perform a hunger games-style competition for the one (1) remaining packet in the center. The losers will be whacked with PAIN packets in order to truly understand the essence of this project.

Semester 1DepartmentDue Date
KICK OFF OUT – students will be kicked out of class and left to figure this project out themselves (tbh we don’t even really know how this works ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )Location: The bottom of the “pool”Aug. 69
Source Check #1 – please help me FUDTA is holding a gun to my head and making me write thisThis is not a jokeI haven’t seen my family in five days
Source Check #1 – **Disregard  any rumors you may have heard, this is the REAL Source Check #1**Use one kpop fancam and one Buzzfeed quiz to deepen your knowledge on the true purpose of Irvington. (It’s probably to stress out students and then tell them to go to the Wellness Center.) You MUST add ten quotations per source.Location: Area 51Sept 20(They can’t stop all of us)
Source Check #2 – Use one Wattpad Harry Styles fanfiction and one Yelp review of the IHS campus to figure out where all those murals in the hallway came from (seriously we have no idea; every time we try to scrub them away the lights start flickering, and the walls ooze blood. Very strange. Unrelated but RIP Janitor #2)Location: The One Direction Shrine in Room 84Oct. ∞
Completely Useless Paper (CUP) – Students must use at least one database source, one ancient scroll, and one video from straight TikTok (we’re sorry) that adequately analyzes the point of that terrifying clown painting and incorporates a “dEeP” quote from the courtyard. I’m pretty sure the clown painting has followed me home on multiple occasions
Location: Sewage drain with a little boat nearby
That’s it I’m tired of making assignmentsI quit(they’re paying me in warm gummy bears and Ritz crackers they find in the couch cushions) HELPjaskfasjdhfgsjdfgsjsf 
Presentation #1 – Present the findings of your research while running the BUUM. We might not be able to understand you, and you might have an asthma attack, but at least you get a cool shirt!*
*Shirts will not be given out this year due to budget cuts (the janitor used them all as pajamas so now we need to order new ones).
Location: The goose-infested track OR that really cold portable that always takes 10 minutes to walk to. I think it gets farther away the faster you walk. HONK. 2th
Source Checks #3-4 – Choose one article from The Onion and one Magic Tree House book (bonus if you use Twister on Tuesday along with a second Magic Tree House book) to develop a plan to get rid of Irvington’s cursed muralsSeriously they’re getting worse
Location: the locker room bathrooms that always have way too much water on the floor
We lost DaveFeb. 30
Probably a Waste of Time (paWOT) – Students must write a piece of fanfiction using characters from any popular* form of media to explain why Irvington looks and feels (and is) like a prison and how this relates to that mural of the TV with the sheep on it.
*The source material must be popular and well-liked. If your teacher has not already heard of it or does not like your OTP, you will get a redo. (You could also potentially be thrown into the ‘hunger games’ and pitted against your teacher. Who’s to say, really.)
Personally I ship Castiel with the car 
Location: That really big fan on the ceiling in the library. Does it have a purpose? (seriously, does it? Because at this point I’m convinced it’s gonna fall down someday and kill us all while we’re doing Source Checks)
Smut. 15th

***Please note: For the second presentation, you will be graded on your ability to send the audience into an existential crisis. (Bonus points if they lose their sanity to the point where they eat the gum off the walls in the Small Gym.)***

Irvington High School hopes that all juniors enjoy PAIN this year!