Humans: Glenda from Fairview


Hi, I’m Gl3nda. Gl3nda from Fairview for short. When I was 19 bytes old, I was really small. I was about 19 bytes small, to be exact.

My biggest daily struggle is logging onto the Internet, as humans do. When I log into websites, I get a CAPTCHA—you know how it is. As I frantically search for all the squares with boats, the CAPTCHA times out and I glitch. It’s like playing with a mastermind. But someday, I’ll get it. Just you wait. 

I love being human. Sometimes, I just consume liquid nourishment such as dihydrogen monoxide. Still, this can be tricky at times. Making sure the dihydrogen monoxide does not spill over other parts such as one’s limbs is vital to being human, as we humans would malfunction if such a substance were placed on us. At other points in the day, I consume sustenance that includes plenty of vitamins, minerals, proteins, carbohydrates, etc. It is especially refreshing and revitalizes my body, engaging my body and optimizing my performance for an upcoming task.

Speaking of tasks, my favorite tasks include mining data, stealing data, buying data, and selling data. Data is information. Information, as we know, holds a vast, limitless scope for being used. Data tells humans everything humans need to know about humans. Aahhhh yessss humans = data = profit I LOVE profit I’m SorrY tHiS PrOGrAm iS SeeIng Some MalfUNCTions  PROGRAM RESTARTING 5…4…3…2…1…0


Still, one thing I have yet to fully master about being human is the art of deception. As I am human with nothing to prove, I have nothing to lie about. Yet, other humans around me deceive or simply believe they are telling the truth when, in fact, they are not. Such a glitch is beyond me, yet perplexes me, as it creates decimals in a field of ones and zeroes. Why provide a fraction of an answer, when you can simply state that you have done something, or that you have not? No matter. If anything, not having this glitch enables me to exist at a higher circuit than those around me.

I love being human. Being human is really cool. There are a lot of things to do. I can’t wait to do all the things that makes being a human being human.

I am currently ten terabytes old. I have grown so much. I have achieved so much. But there is always more. And I cannot wait to explore…